You’re never gonna let me down.
As I sit on a rooftop on a mission compound in the middle of Haiti, these words flood my spirit and heart yet again. The wind is whispering by me gently as the full moon shows off above the dusty, rolling mountains. Even though it is soft-spoken tonight, the last few weeks it has been especially and uncharacteristically gusty. Sand and dust whip up, dancing around as the trees bend out of place away from their trunks. Howls whistle through our open-slat windows as we sleep. My hair has been in knots and my contacts are suctioned to my eyeballs from the dust and dry air that is uninvitedly making its way into my eyes.
It’s safe to say that the wind has been on a roll, quite literally.
But here’s a fun fact: Abba speaks to me through the wind, so even though it’s causing irritated eyes and unkempt hair, I welcome my “Jesus Wind” with outstretched arms as I pray for what it will bring with its gusts. It’s been our thing for about two years now, and whenever the wind is this wild, I get excited because I know He is up to something really amazing and mind-blowing.
From our first day here in Haiti, the wind has been present.
As we sat in our first orientation for our ministry, a sweet wind passed over me, raising my arm hair and leaving goose bumps. There it was- Jesus Wind. It was then that I just knew this month was going to be special. Right now, I am living in the middle of a town called Titanyen, which translates to mean “less than nothing.” Even though I am physically living in the middle of “less than nothing,” I know what it feels like to spiritually live in the middle of “less than nothing” as well. This month has brought certain things up in my own life that have me working through that very feeling, and I am sure most everyone can relate.
While I have been working through this less-than-nothing-sickness, a song has stuck with me that my squad leader Sara introduced me to last month. It is called “King of my Heart,” and the one line that is repeated countless times is, “You’re never gonna let me down.” This line has become my own personal anthem, my spiritual remedy when I start to believe the lies that I don’t amount to much.
My God is never going to let me down.
Even in the middle of a politically-oppressed country where I am living on a closed compound with little access to the country around me. Even when my family is going through a heartbreaking time back home that I am not there to love them through. Even when I unexpectedly receive a message from someone in my past who moved on without me, bringing up emotions I didn’t know I still felt. Even when I’m not sure how much money I have to my own name. Even when I sit down to write about the abundant life He has given me and can’t seem to form cohesive sentences.
He is never going to let me down. He is never going to stop blowing His promises through my spirit and into action for me.
As I write this, a light gust is passing over me, and His presence is a promise to keep moving along with this gusty, blustery, knotty-hair, messy, yet amazing life He has given me.
