The Heart of Worship: Digging Deeper into Identity
It didn’t connect until two nights ago at worship; the fact that the freedom in which God had recently granted me was meant to be accompanied by a heart of worship. This blog is real, raw, and my heart at the current moment.
Present: I am walking in victory. I am embracing my spiritual DNA. God is helping me to fill a void…
Past: A void that for so long was filled with lies that I was not worthy, fat, ugly, not appreciated, not a light, misunderstood, weird, and so many others. The heart of anxiety and eating disorders is the root of lies. The enemy does everything in his power to distort the beauty, grace, peace, and call that rests on our lives. For many years, this was my mindset. Distorted. Confused. Hurt.
I had been carrying around the skins of these lies for many years as well. While healing has come and freedom has been granted, I was dragging around a bag of lies.
Then something changed….
Worship came. Freedom dropped. Newness was birthed.
It’s funny how God answers prayers in the most beautiful ways. He turns years of pain and hurt into a blossoming flower. That night at worship, as a puddle of tears formed around my face, He severed the bags. He emptied a piece of my heart. I lost a piece of me…in the best of ways. I lost myself and gained more of Him.
The best analogy I can give is that I was emptied and for a few days I felt the emptiness, in regards to the extra space I felt in my heart. I wasn’t burdened by an extra load, I wasn’t hurting from past lies, I wasn’t dwelling on the past. I was free. I was purified by His wave of grace.
These words were spoken over me…”You have been given an unshakable spirit; to bring life, love, hope, and peace to the world. You are precious yet fierce, gentle yet brave, loving and pure, beautiful and stunning. I have been speaking this over you all of your life. The trials were simply times where you were being refined, where you needed to see the darkness around you/within you and bring it to the light. Your molding was my favorite because although it took time, it was beautifully planned to unveil the light that has always been within. You needed to stop fighting the goodness I placed within because of the fear of uncertainty. You needed to develop utter trust and dependence on Me- in all that I was doing. You needed to know that from the day you were created, you were radiant and although you did nothing to deserve this- I placed this spirit within you because I loved you with the fullest of loves. Don’t fight it-embrace it. Please don’t hide from me-find a place to shine out and over. Don’t run from the very Me placed inside of you-for with it, I will allow you to change the world.”
I was speechless.
As I entered into His presence, I let go. I was free. The void that had been lifted was new. It was uncomfortable but comforting. It was awkward but not. It was a new space. It was a space where words didn’t do justice, but God knew what needed to be spoken into my heart. So after asking for prayer, and a session on the heart of worship, I knew that the new space in my heart was created for exactly that….WORSHIP! My life and every second of it was created for worship, for praise and for allowing Him to take up more space.
My prayers this year are to rest more in my true identity, to know that I never have to rest on the words of man but on the words of God, and Jesus is enough.
Worship consists of EVERY nation and tongue praising the Father from the very depths of their being! Worship is the aroma of our lives created for the Father. Lord, may it be ever pleasing to you!
Prayers for the team: Jen, that her hearing will be restored and ears healed (she was obedient to Gods voice and healing is coming!) New friendships and deepening of relationships. Bravery and fearlessness. More of Jesus. Thailand.
Much love and whimsy
He is ever faithful,
-V
“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:25)
