When I turned 14 years old, I decided to go with my youth group to World of Life camp in Schroon Lake, New York. Camp had always been the highlight of my summer as a kid. Going to a large Christian camp with the high schoolers was very intimidating for a shy, scrawny freshman like myself. I remember this being a really fun camp with lots of outdoor activities. During the camp, we would have free time every day. We could do whatever activity we wanted. Most of my buddies ran off to go jump onto the blob (practically a giant inflatable kid canon) and swim in the lake. I stayed back in my bunk, and just dug into my Bible. This went on for a couple days during each free time. After awhile, even my camp counselors were asking me, “Hey Taylor, you know it’s free time, right? Feel free to go outside.” I politely declined, I was glued to my Bible. The Lord was drawing me to Himself because He was about to commission me. Long story shorter, I felt the call from God to become a pastor during this camp. I fought the call at first, because I couldn’t even talk to a girl much less be onstage teaching a congregation. You see, I figured God’s call for me meant being a pastor of a church. And at that time, I thought being a pastor meant being the guy who talks for an hour on stage, puts the church budget together, hangs out with the deacons, loves people extraordinarily well, and makes people feel at home. I had a great example of this in my life. My own pastor and cousin, Reverend James L. Upchurch. A man who, along with my father, broke the generational sin of alcoholism off of the Upchurch name. Kind, compassionate, always giving me a hug when I saw him. “Hey Tay Tay, how we doing?” A man who, now in heaven, probably has a long line of people still waiting to shake his hand and let him know what an impact he had on their lives. A true man of God. There was no way I could live up to that standard.
But I agreed to be a pastor for God. Through the next several years, I would still tell people I wanted to be a pastor, but I was too terrified to preach. Aren’t pastors supposed to want to preach?! Why didn’t I have the passion or courage?!
Once, during my junior year of high school, my youth pastor asked me to preach. I said yes, not thinking. On the day of the sermon, I was so nervous and anxious, pouring through the Bible looking for something to say. I remember being onstage in front of my friends and peers in the youth ministry. I preached what I preached with a shaky voice and walked off the stage. My heart was still pounding, but I felt pretty good because it was over. Now the worship band could play us out and we could leave. As I approached the back of the room, I saw my buddy Garrett holding up six fingers with a smirk on his face. Six?…Maybe he means 6 out of 10. Hey, I’ll take that for my first sermon. But he wasn’t rating my performance. As I sat next to Garrett, he whispered, “Six minutes. Dude, you preached for just six minutes.” I was so embarrassed. Our youth pastor went up and preached probably the longest filler message of his career. Nevertheless, I went on to college to pursue a life in the pulpit. Although it scared me, I knew being a pastor was my calling from the Lord.
Fast forwarding a bit, I flunked out of college four times, because I wouldn’t show up to class. I had anxiety about school and the fear of failure at being a lead pastor. Eventually, at 25 years old, I found my passion to act, which is another story on its own. I never finished college. My grandpa has always told me, it is his dream to see me become a pastor. What’s wrong with me?! My testimony usually ended with “I could see myself being a pastor one day if God opens that door, but for now, I’m an actor.” Justify it, Taylor, and you’ll feel better about your life journey so far. The dream of being a pastor laid hopeless and unmoved on the Shame and Regrets shelf of my heart.
Well as you might have guessed, the story doesn’t end there. I’ve woke up to the fact that the broken dream and calling of being a pastor has been operating inside of me all along. The Shame and Regrets shelf is now washed away in the River of Life. You see, I am a pastor. A pastor is a shepherd. Shepherds care for their flock. I care for the people God gives me to love. I care for their hearts. It’s come naturally and supernaturally to me since I was 14. Sure, I still make a lot of mistakes, but God keeps giving me grace. Being a pastor might not look like what I thought it would, but it’s turned out exactly how God planned it and I’m so thankful for that.
What broken dreams and callings from your youth have you long forgotten and given up on? Dreams that when you became “reasonable,” you or someone you loved said, “It can’t be done.” “That was a silly dream and you won’t be able to make a living from it.” “You’re not good at that.” Believing the lies, you gave up on that dream and calling, like I did.
Will you let Holy Spirit resurrect those dry bones? I invite you to truly open your heart, walk through the following Scripture, and let God do that now. Ask Holy Spirit what broken dreams He wants to reawaken within you.
Let me set up the scene for you a bit first. Imagine your 14 year old self in a desolate, desert valley. Almost like you are standing in a burnt-out landfill. Your childhood dreams and callings are broken and scattered all around you, stacked as high as a hill. You stand on top of them. You start to walk around looking at all of these dusty, powerless dreams. Long forgotten. Amazed that you haven’t thought about some of these in a while. Your heart aches within you. Then, up ahead behind a hill, you see a faint light glowing underneath the rubble. You run that way, tripping a few times, and you start to dig. Then you find it. It’s a half glowing dream. Tattered and cracked, but there is light flickering from within. You pick it up and hold it in your hands.
Which one is it? Which childhood or teenage dream is it? This is the dream Holy Spirit wants to give back to you, because you are ready now. Read this slowly and keep visualizing it in your heart and mind:
God grabbed me. God’s Spirit took me up and set me down in the middle of an open plain strewn with [dreams]. He led me around and among them—a lot of [dreams]! There were [dreams] all over the plain—[broken dreams], bleached by the sun.
He said to me, “Son of man, can these [dreams] live?” I said, “Master God, only you know that.” He said to me, “Prophesy over these [dreams]: ‘[Broken dreams], listen to the Message of God!’” God, the Master, told the [broken dreams], “Watch this: I’m bringing the breath of life to you and you’ll come to life. I’ll attach ligaments to you, put meat on your bones, cover you with skin, and breathe life into you. You’ll come alive and you’ll realize that I am God!”
I prophesied just as I’d been commanded. As I prophesied, there was a sound and, oh, rustling! The [dreams] moved and came together, bone to bone. I kept watching. Ligaments formed, then muscles on the bones, then skin stretched over them. But they had no breath in them. He said to me, “Prophesy to the breath. Prophesy, son of man. Tell the breath, ‘God, the Master, says, Come from the four winds. Come, breath. Breathe on these [broken dreams]. Breathe life!’” So I prophesied, just as he commanded me. The breath entered them and they came alive! They stood up on their feet, a huge army.
Then God said to me, “Son of man, these [dreams] are [your friends, family, home church, community, co-workers, strangers on the street, and everyone you meet]. Listen to what they’re saying: ‘Our [dreams] are dried up, our hope is gone, there’s nothing left of us.’ “Therefore, prophesy. Tell them, ‘God, the Master, says: I’ll dig up your graves and bring you out alive—O my people! Then I’ll take you straight to the land of [of the living]. When I dig up graves and bring you out as my people, you’ll realize that I am God. I’ll breathe my life into you and you’ll live. Then I’ll lead you straight back to your land and you’ll realize that I am God. I’ve said it and I’ll do it. God’s Decree.’” [1]
Now imagine a beautiful neighborhood (that kind that you’ve always dreamt of living in) and the construction of your new home. This is your faith home. Imagine it even if it’s like mine is currently, which is mostly demolition clean-up and the foundational materials being set. You see a man walking down the street from far off. As he gets closer, you recognize him. It’s Jesus! He has a gift box in His arms and a big smile on His face. He approaches and hands it to you. With a some hesitation, you tear open the the wrapping paper and open the top. A bright, blinding light comes out of the box. What could this be? You stare at it. Why does this gift seem so familiar? And then it dawns on you. It’s your old dream from the valley! You had given up hope on this dream long ago. But it shines bright like it did when you first received it as a kid. And it’s whole. (If you don’t know what dream it is, that’s okay. Holy Spirit will reveal it to you at the right time). The dream now has real meaning behind it, rather than your old ambitions. Now this dream’s goal is being love and giving that love away. Jesus asks you if He can build it into your new life in Him. What’s your answer? No, really, stop reading, talk to Jesus right now. Give Him your answer.
If you are ready and agree, you hand the shining dream to Jesus. He smiles and walks toward your new under-construction home. He enters through the front door, bends down, and opens His tool box.
Friend, we were born to be loved by God and build God’s kingdom with His love. We were born to awaken and reawaken Kingdom dreams in the people He gives us to love and serve. That dream He just gave back to you can still be accomplished. Maybe not in the way you thought, but God will restore it if you let Him. It’s not too late! I beg you: Let God build that dream into your new faith home. The reason you can believe and trust in this dream again is because you aren’t building your home anymore. Jesus is. And the home isn’t for you anymore. It’s for Him and it’s for them. The dream is for people and it is people. The dream is for God and it is God.
Pastor Upchurch and Pastor Upchurch
[1] The unfiltered text that I replaced with the words in brackets is found in Ezekiel 37:1-14 (MSG). I personalized it from what the Lord was showing me. Just like how sometimes we put our name in a passage when it says “Here am I” or “God loved [Taylor] so much.”
