People often ask me if I am excited to go on the World Race. My emotions change from day to day. Some days I’m beyond excited and others I’m terrified. Sometimes I’m a hot mess and find myself curled up in a ball in a puddle of tears. Sometimes I’m so humbled and grateful for the opportunity, and others I’m mad God chose me. Though I find myself consumed in a whirlwind of emotions, I always come back to reality…Gods called me. Provided all the money. So I have to go.
Last week was the first time it actually hit me. Every year I counsel at canoe camp, the same camp I used to attend when I was younger. We take a group of high school kids for 5 days primitive camping in the woods/on the river. We canoe 5-10 miles a day, set up camp daily, bathe in the river, cook our dinner over a fire, and use the bathroom in the woods. We only take the basic essentials like food, water, and tents plus each person gets two 5 gallon buckets to hold their personal gear.
Last Tuesday, day 2 it hit me. We quickly found ourselves in what seemed like we were in the middle of a hurricane. Branches were falling, tents were blowing side to side, and our dining fly tarp almost collapsed and flew away. As I held the corner of my tarp down, shivering and soaking wet. I said “God…I don’t want to go on World Race anymore.” “I don’t want to sleep on my sleeping pad with a hole in it, I don’t want to take cold showers, I don’t want to risk not having a bathroom, or possibly getting a life threatening disease.” “God I want out…but thank you for the money. I was sad, disgruntled, and slightly angry. I can’t do this for a year?! What was I thinking?? Or was I ?
The rain subsided and my anger turned to joy when the sun came out. We cleaned up camp, sopped up our soaking wet tents and prepared for dinner. That night while lying on my flat uncomfortable sleeping pad, I asked God to forgive me for being so ungrateful, selfish, and impatient. I prayed he would use this week away from the distractions of the world to show me the beauty of this opportunity.
The weather held off until Thursday and we were welcomed by rain again in an afternoon rainstorm. It was not near as bad as the first, but none the less it was windy and cold. I thought Lord… “here we go again.” What seemed to be just after minutes of praying for the rain to pass, it did! We had a wonderful dinner surround by good company sharing laughs and making memories.
That night during our evening prayer circle, God decided he had something to say..One of our campers stood up to speak to the group. Every day we had a different theme from the curriculum along with a passage of scripture. This particular lesson was about Courage. This young man Boldly led the group in a very intense sermon on what it means to have courage, and when you don’t how to ask God to give it to you. I quickly felt the Holy Spirit urging me to start a burn circle. Campers received a paper and pen and were asked to write any past failures, struggles, pains etc. on the paper and toss it into the fire. We were bringing our hurts and pains to the feet of Jesus and leaving them at camp. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says we are new creations, the old is gone and the new has come. I knew the Holy Spirit was braking these kids to their core. They were dropping to their knees, praying for each other, filled with tears and emotion. My heart was so full. As I looked around at this group of kids, I felt immediately humbled. “This is what it is about” I said to myself. It was so overpowering I had to walk away. I broke into tears and pleaded with God again to forgive me for my selfishness. I would trade 5 days in the heat/rain for just one night like the one we just experienced. I thought about the nations and needs of the people. They don’t always have food, beds, clothes, or even the bare necessities we take for granted daily. I was so convicted for even considering backing out of World Race. How could I not go? I prayed God would change my desires and continue to prepare my heart for what life on the race will look like, and that when I am homesick, or upset I would remember the heart of the ministry and why I signed up in the first place. These people need Jesus. They need to be hugged. Loved on. Prayed for. And told they’re beautiful. God changed my perspective that night, and reminded me of his people and his love for them. He reminded me of the impact we will make on the world.
When you live in the wilderness for a week with 20 people, bathe together, cook over fire, use the restroom in the woods, and don’t have access to everyday amenities you somehow find a new appreciation for things we take for granted every day. A phone. A toilet. A shower. Hot water. AC. A car. A bed. Running water. This past week I canoed over 20 miles. I ate sparingly. I got blisters and bug bites. I sweated and smelled and I slept on the hard ground in a leaky tent. When you’re living life on basic essentials it gets wet. Cold. Hot. Uncomfortable. Miserable. It gave me a small taste of what life would be like on the race. And it scared me…
Last week was also eye opening. It was, peaceful. Enjoyable. Gratifying. Spiritual. Intimate. Enlightening. And humbling. My preconceived notions leading up to camp were nothing like I expected. God far exceeded my expectations.
Moses didn’t want to lead a nation out of Egypt.
Abraham didn’t want to sacrifice his only son.
Jonah didn’t want to go to Nineveh.
Peter didn’t want to get out of the boat.
Sometimes god is going to call you to do uncomfortable things. Things you don’t want to do. He knows it’s going to be hard, but he’s going to ask you to do it anyway. Sometimes we have to stop looking at what is right in front of us, or lack thereof. We need to open our eyes to the bigger picture. I challenge you instead of praying for God to get you out of a situation pray he will get you through the situation. There may be times where I don’t WANT to go on the World Race but I have come back to reality and realize it’s not a matter of WANTING to go. I HAVE to go.
