I know me being in a cast has raised a lot of concerns and questions on whether or not I should return home from my journey early. To be completely honest I considered going home. It has been really difficult for my heart seeing my team being able to go out and serve as I stay back everyday. Not only this, but also my ankle has been in a lot of pain. I seriously considered going home in order to get medical attention and be surrounded by family in my discomfort. I mean I’d only be missing 9 days if I were to leave. But when I signed up fo this trip I made a promise between me and God to dedicate these two months to him. I know there is no shame in going home and that my team and the Lord will give me grace and their full support if that were what I decide was best for me. But the thing is I have been seeing so much possibility for growth over these next 9 days. In life I’m constantly surrounded by the busyness of life, but being here in a cast forces me to be still with the Lord. Both my team leader and one of my squad mates spoke Genesis 50:20 over me which states, “what you meant to harm me, the Lord meant for good.” I do not believe that the Lord brought this situation as punishment for me not spending as much time with Him, but I do believe the enemy is trying to speak lies over me. To be vulnerable and real with you all, I have been feeling frustrated and angry with God sacrificing this summer to come and serve Him and not being able to and feeling like I’m not getting any answers. I felt useless unable to serve and like a burden to my team. But the thing is these thoughts I was having were not of the Lord but lies of the enemy. If I was not surrounded by a community of believers or rooted in truth of scripture I would have believed this. Though ministry for me is no longer what I expected, it does not make it worth any less. One of my team leaders favorite stories in the Bible comes from Exodus. The passage talks about how the Israelites, who looked Moses as their leader, went into battle as Moses stayed back to intercede. I’m sure Moses would have loved to fight alongside his people that is not where God was calling him to be. As for me I would love to go out with my team everyday, but the Lord is challenging me to stay back and be a prayer warrior instead. When signing up to do ministry this is not what I had in mind but ministry calls you into the uncomfortable, and challenges you to do things you never would have expected. Just because I didn’t imagine my days being quite like they have been this week doesn’t make them any less valuable. Sitting out not being able to be apart of hands on ministry is difficult especially for someone like me, but it also is growing and stretching me on so many ways. By sitting back and watching as the work as my team member described it will fuel my passion. It truly has grown my desire to jump back in when I’m healed. Though I will no longer be in the Dominican Republic when I get my cast off, that does not mean my ministry is over. For World Race has a saying that says, life is ministry and ministry is life.” Ministry does not have a set time but should me a lifetime goal. Having such a heart for missions that I’ve developed overtime, I do not want to go home because for me it’s the easier option. You can ask anyone who has been on the mission field, mission work is not always a glamorous life. With all of the reasons driving me to go home, the only valid reason was to seek medical attention to make sure the doctors set everything correctly, but I decided to have confidence in the Lord to place a hand of protection over me till I get home in the states to have my leg looked over. So, I decided to stay in the Dominican Republic until it is my team’s time to depart. This was a difficult decision but I am confident in my decision. I know some people hoped I’d return early for safety reasons and I appreciate your concerns, but I hope you guys can trust the Jesus that lives inside of me that helped discern this decision.
