I never pictured myself here in a million years. When I graduated college three years ago, I would have told you that by now I would be working at a successful job living in a quaint little house with white walls, tons of windows, an abundance of Anthropologie candles, and would definitely be married. Well, if you haven’t guessed, that’s not at all what my life looks like. I am juggling 5 jobs, living with my parents, and marriage is an “if” not a “when”.
Yet, I have been trying to force MY fairytale on God, and well, it just doesn’t work that way. It’s taken me years to finally begin to understand that because I go to church, attend small group and read my Bible doesn’t mean that God is going to grant me my worldly wishes. If I truly believe that my purpose on earth is to bring glory to God, then I have to choose to accept His story for me each and every day instead of telling Him to rewrite what he has set out for me to include my flighty ideas of a perfect life.
I had bought into the lie that success for a Christian woman was marriage, a house, and a stable job that could be done from home when she had kids. So, I figured I’d just continue to be a good Christian and surely that would happen to me. But after years of waiting, I was left feeling unfulfilled and exhausted from working multiple jobs trying to “make it” in the creative industry, and no pursuing men in sight.
At the beginning of the summer God began to show me that, no job and no man is going to bring me the fulfillment that He can give me. Rather than striving so hard to make MY STORY come to fruition, I needed to look to the story that God was writing for me. Then I had a choice- do I choose His story, or fight for mine?
And that’s where I’m at. I am CHOOSING God’s story for me, and letting Him write it page by page. I am whole and complete in Him and no matter how hard I try, no person or job will ever be able to bring me the fulfillment that can be found in Christ. It is a daily surrender to lay down what I had imagined for myself and realize that God can do way better things than I could have ever dreamed of, but I have to let Him work. I have to let go of the things I have held so tightly too and trust fully and completely in what He has for me.
So here I go- actively pursuing His call on my life, to love and serve others like Jesus did. To forgo my comforts, needs and wants for 11 months to focus on the needs of others rather than the desires of my heart.
God, I choose YOU.
