Dear John,
I am so sorry. I am so sorry that you are so malnourished that your belly is so swollen. I’m so sorry you have to walk two miles to school, alone, as a 6 year old. You had no idea that you would change my life forever. I cherish holding your little body as you snuggle in my lap and sleep because you are so exhausted. Your hot sweaty body, and feverish head are so precious to me. I never want to let go. You have no idea that I leave school many days crying after I let go of your hand and watch you cross the road. Many nights I lie awake, with you alone on my mind. But I am not sorry for this. I am thankful. I am thankful that I have been exposed. I am thankful to have walked home with you to see how far you travel everyday and to see where you stay. I wonder what you’ve experienced in these six years of your life.
I have so many questions.
What do you think about all day?
When was the last time you ate?
What horrors have your little eyes seen?
What pain have you felt?
What pain are you feeling now?
How are you so quick to share the food we give you to your siblings when I know that you are starving?
So many questions that I know I won’t get answers to. But I cling tightly to the truth, that Jesus loves you far more than I could ever love you. I know He watches you as you travel to and from school each day. I know that you are far more precious to him than the sparrows, and he feeds the sparrows each day. I know that He has great plans for you. How can I help you without hurting you more with toxic charity or just being the “white savior?” How can I help you in a way that is sustainable and beneficial for you and your family? I am praying John, I am praying. And just like you, there are 7 other children staying in your home, who are starving as well. There are so many more in your neighborhood, in your city, and in your country. There are starving kids in every country and I refuse to be numb any longer. I refuse to stand still and do nothing. So John, I am praying. I am praying for what I can do to impact this world for children like you. Precious children without food.
I often get lost in sorrow over you, John. What can I do? How can I make a difference in this world for starving children? Sometimes it seems too overwhelming and I have no idea where to even start. There are so many children. And when my thoughts become too daunting, I hear one voice louder than all the others. “Hannah I have anointed you to proclaim good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, to release from darkness for the prisoners, to comfort those who mourn, to provide for those who grieve, and bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. I love justice and hate wrongdoing. (Isaiah 61) If you are willing I will make the nations your inheritance. Whatever you do matters. Come with me, lets go love on these children. Go after the one, that’s what I do, because I am obsessed with the one. The rest will take care of itself.”
John, you have impacted my heart forever. I love you so much John, and so does your Heavenly Father.
Sincerely,
Hannah
