“To be completely honest, I have been pretty stressed recently. I have been worrying about funds, packing, supplies, shots, and more. This on top of everyday worries that come with being on the brink of graduating and heading into the real world has completely overwhelmed me. Today was the breaking point. Sleep deprived, hormonal, and worried, I was about to have a complete mental breakdown. Laying in my bed, I reached for my devotional. The first line reads: “Rejoice and Be Thankful.” As I read on, it talks about how trusting the Lord channels His peace, and it says that being thankful lifts you above your circumstances. I thought about this for a second, for the passage was a complete and total slap in the face. Here I was, fundraising to go show people the amazing peace and love of God, while not even fully trusting him myself. Truth is, there is no way I am raising $16,600 on my own. Although, with the help of the Lord, it can be done. I just need to start putting my trust in Him and not my own efforts. As I meditate on the passage, I try to be thankful for my circumstances. I try to be truly thankful for the fundraising, preparation, lack of sleep, arguments, and overwhelmed feelings. I then realize that the things I have been worrying about do not compare to the amazing blessings the Lord has given me, as well as the ones to come. I also realized that my negative thinking and worry had blocked out the feeling of the Lord’s abundant peace. That is when I understood exactly what the devotional meant when it stated “Thankfulness lifts you up above your circumstances.” I am reminded of how minuscule my problems really are, and I feel that peace again. The Lord really spoke to me with this devotional, as well as with the verse Psalm 9:10 [Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.] What fools we are for not seeking the Lord, for he NEVER forsakes those who seek him. He is all (and more) that we as humans look for in each other, yet we still continue to overlook Him. My prayer today is that I will learn be thankful in all situations, as well as put the entirety of my trust in the Lord. I wish to seek him more and more every day.”
I wrote this in my notes on August 28th, 2019. The past few weeks I have been in a wierd place. Where life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies! Where I feel down more than I feel thankful. Just now I was sitting alone and I felt the urge to look through my notes. I did, and I scrolled down to find this note that I wrote out almost 5 months ago. Looking back, I can see how much I have grown and learned since that time in my life. I can see why each thing took place that was hard, and I can understand how it specifically was used for good. Now here I am, in India, living out what I was stressing over when I wrote that. If I would have known at that moment that I would be feeling the same way in the future once the funds were raised, the goodbyes were said, and the race was halfway over, I would have been so confused! Seeing this note today was such a good reminder for me. I have SO much to be thankful for, and I need to focus on that always. I can be confident (from experience now) that He will never forsake me, I just have to seek and trust. I hope this can be a good reminder for someone else today as well!
*Just a little update: We are in a village in Northeast India and there is nowhere to get any wifi (w/ the exception of using friends’ hotspots). We have been remodeling a junior college, visiting tribal villages, helping our cook (Dara), and leading VBS’s and children’s church. We are also about to start working with the English-teaching school here that just got back in session!
