Home. When you first leave for the World Race, you miss it a lot. But before you know it, home starts to become less and less real to you. At least, that is what has happened on my Race. Places in the Philippines, Swaziland, and now Nicaragua have now become my “home.”
My 35 incredible squadmates have become my family. We celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years together. We have laughed together until it hurt, experienced incredible adventures together, and hugged each other as we all cried through leaving the countries we grew to love. And all of us have together experienced more spiritual growth here on the Race than ever before in our lives.
Through all this, my “home” back in Winston-Salem, NC had become less and less real in my mind…
Until the morning of February 23, when outside my hostel in Granada, Nicaragua stood my mom and dad, eager to see me and to somehow connect my old home with this new world I live in. In one way, I was so eager to show them what I have found on the Race: the community I have found in my squad, the way we do ministry, the way we worship, and how through all of that everything is so Spirit-filled.
My parents were great at PVT. God clearly worked in all three of us to bring growth and to lead us into the next step in our spiritual relationship: to go from being only father, mother, and son, to also becoming brothers and sister in Christ.
While PVT was great, one thing totally unexpected happened to me that week. It re-opened my eyes to the fact that home is a real place, and a place that I will be going back to in now less than two months.
PVT ended almost three weeks ago, and since then I have been wrestling with God over this impending transition.
This past week, I woke up and looked at the date on my phone: exactly two months until would fly home. My heart sank. Just the next day, I got my confirmation email for my flight to Charlotte, and I simply felt at a loss. How can it be that I will step onto an airplane WITHOUT my 35 brothers and sisters? How can it be that when I arrive, they will not be there with me to serve alongside me, encourage me, and push me into deep spiritual growth? The past week, I heard myself say three times “I’m so scared,” referring to going home. I shared that to a teammate, I texted it to my mom, and I wrote it to Jesus in my journal.
WHY am I scared? I’m scared that in this next season I will lack the community I have found here, a community that pushes each other into uncomfortable things so each of us will draw closer to the Father’s heart. I’m scared that God will not be as present in this next season of my life. I’m scared of the potential for the business of schedules and the overflow of comfort in America to drown out God’s presence in my life.
At training camp and launch for the Race, everyone inevitably feels at least some fear over what’s to come. AIM’s phenomenal worship team introduced us to the song “You Make Me Brave” by Bethel Music. The lyrics say, again and again,
“You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
you make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way
No fear can hinder now the promises you’ve made.”
As a squad, we sang out those words with all our hearts at training camp and at launch, allowing the Father to make us brave enough to make this journey with Him. Throughout the Race, this has been one of the defining songs of our squad; we have worshipped to it together countless times times.
Last night I was listening to worship music alone, and this song came on. Listening and singing along to it, I knew that the Father can and will make me brave as I go home and begin this new season, the same way He made me brave as I began my Race. Last night, after listening to that song, I heard God’s voice, crystal clear, saying to me “Drew, I do not change when you go home.”
Now, I’m not saying that last night suddenly made everything totally okay. I know this transition is still going to be very difficult. BUT I know I can trust God through it all.
Jesus, thank you that you make me brave, and that I can trust that you have great plans for this next season of my life. I bring nothing to the table, but I am available for you to use me however you choose. Make me brave.
Here’s the song I quoted. It’s so, so worth your time. Enjoy ??
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hi-VMxT6fc
P.s. PVT really was great. My parents were awesome and they loved the whole week too. You should definitely ask them about it!
Also, through all this preparing for the next season, I am not taking my eyes off the work God has given me here. I have seven weeks left of ministry here in Nicaragua, sharing the gospel through teaching English. Pray that I will sprint out this last lap of my Race and finish strong.
