Because He Loved First

We love because He first loved us.

 

Admittedly, growing up this was one of the hardest passages of scripture for me to understand.  An often-quoted verse that I would hear, but I could never get.  It didn’t make sense to me. 

 

 

That’s where my mind would go throughout the years.  Seriously.  I would even get offended at this passage sometimes because it made absolutely no sense to me that it would take His loving me first to get my attention.  He’s God for crying out loud.

 

What I didn’t realize, though, is that the mentality of what I thought was my loving Him was so far from it.  In my mind, I just needed to love God because He IS GOD.  But what I thought was love really wasn’t love at all.  I respected and revered Him because of His authority.  I feared Him because of His power and ability.  I nearly idolized my being a follower of God because my head knew that belief in Him is the only thing that really made sense.  But love?  No, I can’t really say I ever simply loved Him.  It was a relationship built solely on authoritative power and need for approval.  

 

Then, last year…

 

I know I talk about this a lot, but it truly has become such a pinnacle moment in my life.  An altar of remembrance, so to speak, and probably the biggest stepping stone I have had so far in my walk with Jesus.

 

As most of you readers know, I had an encounter with my God as He surrounded me with His love and compassion through my admission and confession of deep, dark, hidden sins.  I experienced something I’m not sure I had ever truly experienced before that moment – grace… abundant grace. As one of the greatest, if not the greatest, encounters with the Lord in my life took place, suddenly the fear of His power and ability subsided.  That high esteem and respect based solely on His authoritative rights was cast aside as I came to a sudden realization – this is unconditional love.

 

There is so much truth to the statement, “he who is forgiven much loves much”.  In my mind, I have been forgiven of unforgivable sins.  I, of all people, being a child who experienced first hand the pains and after effects of certain sins allowed myself to fall into sexually immoral sin.  Knowing the truth behind its lies, I still fell into it.  Years and years of addiction to things I sincerely pray God will eventually completely wipe away from my mind. 

 

But OHHHH.  OHHHH, the abundance of His love.  The abundance of His grace.  The abundance of His warmth and mercy and kindness when we finally reach a place of being able to receive it and accept it.  

 

But it’s not just about receiving it and accepting it, though.  When our eyes are finally opened and we come to the realization that this overwhelming love is what has been there the whole time.  Since before we were conceived!  OH my, what a revelation!

 

While I was wallowing in shame and despair and worthlessness trying to find my own way to freedom He was there the whole time.  Calling to me.  Knocking on the door of my heart.  Waiting for the moment when I would finally reach that place where I could humbly open the door and see the truth that was there from the beginning – He loves me.  He loved first.  That’s the whole reason He paid the price that I should have been the one to pay – because He loves me.  

 

It brings me to my knees in adoration and love, and my eyes well with tears every time I think about it.  

 

He loved first.  

 

It’s the reason my relationship with my Jesus is the best it has ever been in my entire life.  

 

He loved first.  

 

It’s the revelation that draws me to my prayer closet every single day even if it’s for nothing more than to just sit in there silently and let Him whisper sweet truths over me.  

 

He loved first.  This is why I call Him the closest, most consistent, and best friend I have, the One Friend who truly is closer than a brother.  

 

He loved first.

 

I finally realize that this isn’t a dictatorship.  It’s a relationship.  Literally, an every day, continuously growing friendship that I never want to end.  He spends quality time with me, and lets me talk about anything and everything.  He bears with me as I struggle with my words.  He’s patient with me as I fall back into old habits of insecurity triggered by stumbles that have happened along the way.  But even in a stumble I have learned the quicker I humble myself, confess and remove it from my life, the quicker I can move past it.  Not just that, but the more I grow to love Him because of His first loving me, and the more I want to honor Him and do things right… because He deserves it.

 

Yes, the greatest commandment is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength, but we love Him because He first loved us.  That right there I think may be the greatest revelation of it all, at least for me: He loved first.