We’ve all heard this idea of freedom that comes from full surrender to the Lord and His will. The trick is anyone who has a human brain and a human heart therefore has human emotions and doubt. Conclusion : complete surrender is one of the hardest things to accomplish. It is a daily choice, like the cross we must choose to bear every morning.
In an attempt to capture the ten days of letting go and jumping into that abandon, I’ll let my journal do the talking. Sorry in advance for the sandstorm you’re walking into by reading this ; due to tumultuous, radically and rapidly changing feels you may experience a slightly scattered summary. At the same time, I will not apologize for asking the questions that scare me because I refuse to be controlled by fear and anxiety.
“The fears we don’t face become our limits.” – Robin Sharma
6/15 : And so we continue on this winding road of camp. It seems we must truly face every past hurt. I’m grateful for the confrontation of it, but it’s true I’m wrestling with the demons inside of me. Being torn down without warning is only asking for destruction and casualties. I guess I ought to have better prepared.
Lord, I know I belong to You, but do I belong here ? What is Your will ? Why is this happening ? Give me wisdom to see Your hands in this, God…inside I’m a whirlwind ; upset, angry, excited, confused, anxious. Distracted.
How to process such a broken and exhausted mind, body and heart ? We’re overstimulated but asked to be focused, constantly prodded yet called to be calm. I know it’s possible to find joy in every moment, but how to hold on to that ? How to foster and cultivate when we’re beaten ? Can we bring hope to those who live in that every day and have never known better ?
How, in choosing joy, can we truly conquer our toxic minds and hearts ? Our constantly wandering train of thought ?
6/16 : I’m still waiting for the ball to drop. So close to the finish line and still I’m holding my breath. I have been for so long I’m not thinking straight.
When you are deprived of oxygen, your brain shuts off to conserve capacity for necessary function to continue life. Thinking about how that correlates and translates to my walk with God – all of our walks – is sobering.
The sun is long over the trees by the time racers start to pour into the dining tents for day 8.5 of training camp. Air heavy with humidity but buzzing with anticipation and soft chatter. We’re all a bit jittery, still coming off of the previous days’ excitement and our morning squad wars practice.
Teams assigned, perfectly and intricately formed by no other than the Father. A night out in town to see each other outside of our once small and limited world. Slowly beginning to realize that we’re with our family for the next year and beginning to see how we’ll all work together when things get REALLY real.
After dinner we slowly make our way to Clint’s house for words from Seth and our fearless training team, always encouraging us and confirming our place. Something special about this squad, they say. We all relax, happy and relieved to finally feel a definite belonging, a tangible and real measure of this camp.
This season the Lord is wild. For me, for you ; relentless in His chase, His HUNT for my heart, for MORE. Unwavering in His profound LOVE that calls me deeper into the uncomfortable, into greatness. And to be honest, I’m wild about Him and His pathway for me. His pursuit of my all.
So last night my team prophesied over each other and I spoke the raw, untamable heart of the Lord over each of us. And you know what ? They’re all wild about building the Kingdom, too. I am so humbled to serve next to my team in this upcoming season. We are the Wild Abouts. Just you wait to hear about these riled up hearts – we’re coming for you.
And even in the anticipation, still I’m struggling to trust in the process. To trust in the Lord’s plan that is so infinitely more complex than I could ever imagine.
What’s the deal ? How long will we use our past hurts as an excuse to shut people down and out ? How long will we distract ourselves with the things of this world ? Even more important, how do we break this poisonous cycle ?
And so we made our declarations : I’m done being unworthy, I’m done feeling like a mistake. I’m done feeling too dirty to love.
And truth comes like a flood, grace like a wave.
“The other shoe is never going to drop.”
Wise words. I suppose there is nothing else to say except we must believe. This freedom calls for a reaction from us ; obedience and peace. There is no need for anything but love when you enter into relationship with the Father.
So do it. Let go and enter in.
#11n11 #southamericabound #trainingcamp #wildabouts #wild #welcometheseason #praise #watchoutworld
