I opened my mouth to laugh as the fly flew in. I closed my mouth just as fast as my teeth crunched together, squishing the flyish morsel between my molars. Praise Him for protein?
I'm tone deaf and currently embracing this with reckless abandonment. I was walking down a sidewalk with my team, screeching how no weapon formed against me shall remain when I felt a hand go roughly up my skirt. It happened so quickly it took a second to register what was occurring. I screamed and jumped forward as my friends whipped around and came running to my rescue. Looking back it feels like never ending chaos but in reality it lasted maybe 5 seconds. I remember walking away from the group to compose myself. The chicken bus arrived rapidly after and we filed on. As I boarded and saw the sea of people staring at us, I couldn't help but feel a wave of nausea fly over me. I forced myself to walk down the aisle and sat next to an overweight Nicaraguan.
I didn't touch him and he didn't touch me.
I was reeling.
Every hair on my body was standing on end.
I was pissed, sad, disgusted.
But Jesus sent this angelic peace over me and told me this was an attack. I separated it. I saw it for what it was and realized there would be a time to mourn but that the next few hours were to be spent depending on His strength–laughing, sharing Jesus and visiting the church Alpha and Omega.
When I got home I collapsed into Tess and Carly's arms. I still didn't cry but admitted I was struggling. I went through the motions of dinner and wanted to spend some time with Jesus before our team meeting. I hopped in my hammock only to have it snap under me. I smacked the concrete and heard my elbow crack under the pressure.
Still no tears.
I screamed for the second time that day as our contact and his wife came running out. He grabbed my elbow to look at it. It sounded like an Indian war cry as I howled in pain. I thought I was going to vomit. I turned into a corner to sob because everyone was staring at me. We are never alone. Ever. Standing there with tears rolling down my cheeks, I mourned.
It was time.
My sweet teammates grabbed something to ice my arm. When I'd finally stopped crying I asked where they'd found the ice because it's a rare commodity in Central America. Oh no worries. It wasn't ice. It was a slab of meat. Awesome. Guess we'll eat that for lunch since my arm thawed it out…
Later nightmares robbed my sleep. The next morning I could barely function. I sat during worship and couldn't get words from my lips. My heart was hurting and my brain was racing. I knew the incident was just satan's pathetic attempt to veer me off course. I knew the dreams were another lame try but the lies were gaining momentum. I interrupted worship and told them I was hurting, broken. I needed them to fight for me. I told them I felt violated yet oddly at peace in my Spirit.
Flesh on fire is a miserable feeling.
The angels were summoned. We entered the throne room of God flat on our faces and humbly asked for peace to flow. Healing descended and the authority we have as His kids rose up.
The hounds of heaven chased the dogs of hell straight back to where they came from.
And it was awesome.
My team has become family. You can't survive this thing without each other. Life is sweet, it's hard but it's never bitter.
I feel encouraged and vibrant.
I got to experience mercy.
I got to experience love for a man who, in my flesh disgusts me, but yet my Sprit yearns to fight for.
God isn't selective with whom He loves so why should I be?
Don't worry; I'm processing this like a normal human. I'm antsy at times but I don't dwell on it. I throw it over to the Cross and let Jesus deal with it. The more the enemy attacks, the more I spend praising Jesus.
It's a no win for hell and total victory for the kingdom.
I've realized it's not about having one pivotal moment of brokenness so I can check it off my list this year. God is teaching me that the Race is about living life, learning to walk boldly in my identity as a Daughter of the King and rolling with the punches. How to get thrown down then rising back up. Embracing His tenderness and fighting like a warrior against a very real enemy. Not because of who I am but rather Who's I am. I'm favored and loved and I know I'm safe. Christ is in me so I have the mind of Christ. I don't have a spirit of fear but instead I have power, love and a sound mind.
And it's all good.
And that's what I'm thankful for.
Hope you had an awesome Turkey Day. Hug your people. I'd do anything to hug mine today. Much love!
