I come to the Blue Gecko because they have great Internet. It's speedy and efficient and the coffee isn't half bad either. But each time I order an Americano, they bring it out about three fourths full and each time I try not to roll my eyes in frustration at getting ripped on the pour. Feeling a little frazzled by the chaos we left in our neighborhood this morning, the poor pour was just icing on the cake. I politely asked my waiter to come back and top it off and so he brought out a small tin pitcher and set it down.
I smiled at Em and told her smugly that I wasn't to be ripped off today. As I was pouring she burst out laughing and said looks like your getting ripped off twice.
Water. It was water he brought out to top it off.
Of course.
There's a lot of chaos out here this month. There have been shootings, rapes, deaths, parties, prostitution and evil like you wouldn't believe. Initially I thought I'd share the stories, perhaps enlighten yall to what my eyes see, what my heart is feeling. so I wrote it out and it felt dark. It was truth and reality but it's giving the enemy a lot of the attention he craves like a druggie craves crack so I opted to start over.
I think the challenge amidst brokenness is choosing to see God working despite the circumstances begging to convince you otherwise. It's being extremely aware that at every turn there is evil but at those same turns there's a heck of a lot of good. It's choosing to see that a teammate getting bit by a dog was probably an attack from satan himself because we were spreading Jesus like it was our last day on earth and loving on children like they've never known. Can you blame that crap devil? We not only moved in on his terf, we divided and conquered it because of Jesus inside of us. Whether we wanted to be used or not, God was using us. He was oozing out of us and rather than focusing on what satan tried to destroy, I'm going to spend each and every breath fighting for what God is doing.
It's so much bigger than me. This kingdom stuff is so enormous that if I just a little bit got it, it would blow my freakin mind.
When we were gazing at the Cape of Good Hope, Em took a deep breath and exclaimed "mmmm God" we all burst out laughing not even sure what it meant but in a way, I identify with her. When words don't really suffice all you can really say is Mm God.
Mm God because Your good
Mm God because Your safe
Mm God because You love me
Mm God because You carry me
There were some moments this week when I felt overwhelmed and exhausted. My heart was hurting and I wanted to crawl into my happy place and tune out the reality clawing at my mind and warring for my emotions.
Yet God is my happy place so where I was planning on crawling only He knows…
God is the reason I'm alive and breathing and so who am I to try to get through this alone? He is my refuge. My delight and strength.
Psalm 42 was balm to my soul last night as we gathered to worship our Savior, our King. Over and over it talks about hope. I won't fake that I'm tired and I won't pretend I'm trippin on rainbows and dancin in daisies every moment of the day. But I won't back down and I won't stop running– Ever. Every time I get tossed, I'm going to get back up and jump in God's lap. Christ is my DNA and it's who I am. There's simply no surrender to anything but Jesus. full surrender to God, His will and His plan and His divine intervention in every aspect of my life.
So Mmmmm God. Thanks for loving me. And thanks for holding me tight. Thanks for seeing when my eyes were too tired to open, thanks for walking me when my legs were too weak to stand. Thanks for protecting me when I was too dazed to notice and thanks for loving me so stinkin well. You dazzle me and I love you.
