some words from a couple days ago…
ive written and rewritten this blog so many times, but just cant seem to find the words to express the chaos of the past 48 hours. where to even begin…
ive been living in swazi now for 2 weeks. truly heaven on earth. a place I thrive. a place I feel so close to Abba. like nowhere I’ve ever been. nothing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve seen the most beautiful mountains and skies. heard the most angelic voices of swazi people. and touched the heads of the most tender children.
two days ago, my squad was sat down at our team house by our base leaders and told that our race was coming to an immediate end. due to the corona virus outbreak, AIM has made the tough decision to send our squad along with all the other squads in other parts of the world back to the United States. these 2 weeks have been the best of my race which is why this has been such a hard thing for me to accept. i’ve cried more than I ever have. why would the Lord send me home right now? I haven’t been in africa long enough. there’s still more kids to be loved on, more peanut butter & jelly’s to be eaten, more stars to see, more of the Lord to discover. there’s still more. more. I signed up for 9 months, not 7. why God? why is this happening?
Its been two days since receiving this news. I’m sitting on a swingset in Johannesburg, South Africa before I fly out to Turkey and then Atlanta, GA. I have cried. screamed. asked Abba so many questions. and all the while He has slowly been filling my heart with peace. my race was never meant to be 9 months. the hardest thing for me was feeling like I haven’t completed what I was meant to do. like i’m letting people down. I say I’m not ready to go home. I have to believe the Lord wouldn’t be sending me back there if I wasn’t. I have completed exactly what the Lord intended. no, it’s not what I thought it was going to look like. i didn’t plan to say goodbye to my world race family two months sooner than intended. I didn’t plan to stay in swaziland for 14 days, then leave. one of the biggest things I’ve learned on the race was giving up control. control over my plans. my future. everything. and handing it over to the Father. I’ve learned to trust in Abba more in these 7 months than ever before. & this right here is something completely out of my control. It’s something I have to trust that the Lord’s plans are better than mine. my race isn’t 9 months, its not even 7 months. as I go home my race will continue. these 7 months have been a foundation for the rest of my life. a foundation where I have learned to live missional. this sucks right now and im sure it will suck for a little while. but my God is still sitting on the throne. not shocked by borders closing or the corona virus outbreak. my God is filling my life with so much peace right now. He has given me 2 extra months in the states then what I thought I was going to have. not sure what this extra time will be filled with but im excited to see what He’s got. I know its gonna be big because He brought me home for it.
there are a sea of emotions im feeling. sadness. peace. gratitude. confusion. so many things that don’t make sense but serving a God who knows everything makes this all a lot easier.
thank you to everyone who has kept up with my journey. to everyone who has financially supported me getting to this point. to everyone who has prayed endless amounts of prayers for my squad and I. from the days I spent in the hospital to transitioning countries. the support system I have back home is overwhelming. thank you God for this season, it’s been the best one yet<3
much love,
britt
