Thursday night, our squad leaders asked us to stay after dinner, and I didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for leadership to give us announcements concerning what the rest of week and our ministry looks like.
“We’re having a route change,” one of the leaders said.
Before I could let it register in my mind what that entailed, they explained that we were losing China and Mongolia. The last squad who tried to get into China from Malaysia was denied, so Adventures in Missions decided it would be poor stewardship to attempt again; and within the past few weeks, all our hosts in Mongolia had pulled out.
“We’re sorry,” they said, and looks on their faces didn’t lie. “But this is out of our hands.”
The atmosphere was sober, and still. I watched as some of my squad-mate’s faces dropped, and their eyes welled with tears, while others were wide-eyed with shock. For some people, these countries were the deciding factor that led them to this specific route: this was hard news and they would have to go through a process of grieving.
The emotion was raw as we braced ourselves for the rest of the news. Our stay in Malaysia would be extended to three weeks, and we would stay in Thailand for three weeks, but before Thailand we would either got to Sri Lanka or Indonesia.
But the choice would be given to individual teams. We had until Saturday at 4pm to pray and discuss it amongst ourselves. If our squad split apart during that month, then it would be through the Holy Spirit’s guidance. The leadership was trusting us to listen to what the Holy Spirit spoke to each team.
I walked back to my room like a zombie. I felt blindsided, confused, and a little overwhelmed as I took in the reactions of those around me: excitement, sadness, numbness, grief, peace, and much more.
Friday morning I lay on my bed and allowed myself to feel. For a long time, I’ve felt called to China and I thought God was giving me a heart for Mongolia as well. Aside from India, the countries I was most looking forward to were China and Mongolia. Now I was being told that Mongolia would be replaced by Thailand, and I would have to pick which country replaced China.
It felt wrong. I didn’t even know how to begin to make a decision like that, and I didn’t want to. I’d rather just be told where to go.
I pulled out my journal and began writing down what God was speaking to me in that moment.
“Will you go where I can be glorified and not where you want to go?”
Yes. I buried my head into my pillow. I knew I was relinquishing all my desires.
“Will you trust Me in the darkness and in the light?”
Yes. But I couldn’t ignore the pain I was feeling.
“Will you seek what you need and not what you want?”
I will. My heart pounded because I knew He’d hold me accountable for this.
“I am your Rock. I am your Refuge. I am your Strength. I am your Everything. I am. I am. I am.”
Immediately Jeremiah 40:4 came to mind and I flipped open my Bible:
“If it seems good for you to come with me to Babylon, come, and I will look after you. But if it seems wrong for you to come with me to Babylon, remain here. See, all the land is before you; wherever it seems good and convenient for you to go, go there.”
That last sentence struck a chord with me.
I turned to Psalm 32:8:
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with my eye.”
“The choice is yours,” God said. “no matter which country you choose I will be with you. But I will also guide you in this decision.”
My team took a half day of ministry and we spent the afternoon praying.
I’d like to go to this country. I told God, as I named one of the two in my head. But where can You be glorified through me?
That was when I heard the name of the opposite country.
At 2pm our team took a vote. We closed our eyes and had our translator count the hands that went up.
“Who wants to go to Sri Lanka?” she asked.
“Okay, who wants to go to Indonesia?”
“Open your eyes,” she said. “I think you should go to Indonesia because there were no votes for Sri Lanka and four votes for Indonesia.”
Only four out the six of us felt we could move past the loss of China and vote, but all who voted were in perfect unity. We briefly discussed it afterwards, and with the exception of one person, the other three who voted wanted to go to Sri Lanka, but felt like the Holy Spirit wanted us in Indonesia.
So, God’s Magnolias are going to Indonesia and it’s all the Holy Spirit’s fault!
I can say that I’m in awe (although I shouldn’t be) by the fact we were unified in this decision. Life on the World Race isn’t much different than life at home. Hard choices must be made and sometimes, it may easier to be told what to do, but God wants us to choose.
I’m asking for prayer as we move forward onto a route that has been clearly taken out of our hands and placed into God’s hands. I’m also asking for prayer for my squad-mates who are still in the grieving process.
We eagerly look forward to what God has planned, because no matter where we are in the world God always gets the final say.
