There’s this thing they talk about at training camp and it’s called the pit. I can remember looking down at the floor of the training center in Gainesville, Georgia full of pride while whispering to myself, “that won’t be me.” Then month four of the race came and the bottom of said pit became all too familiar. The best part of the pit is when Jesus shows you there is a ladder and to climb; He doesn’t simply reach down and pull you out. He stands behind you and tells you to use the legs you’ve been given, move forward and remember He climbs with you.
Pits look like many different things. The best way I can describe it as a never-ending feeling of wandering in the wilderness. It’s sitting in the dark with your hand held in front of your face. Your hand is right there, all you have to do is turn the lights on. Just like the pit is many things, it is caused for many different reasons. For some its conviction they can’t act on, for some it’s what feels like endless rejection, and some get Typhoid. I am however convinced sickness played a small role in my journey. “He delivers the afflicted by their affliction for he opens their ears with adversity” Job 36:15. Typhoid was my ear opener of adversity to a much bigger issue.
I will never forget being held by teammates underneath the stars as I wept and “lost control.” I will never forget yelling at a few too many people who were simply trying to help me because I could not risk losing more control over capabilities. I will never forget the endless talks and phone calls convincing me not to run and how the glory coming was worth staying for. And I will never forget the day rock bottom came. It happened at the top of a small flight of stairs when I was plagued with dizzy. My feet were set off balance and I found myself tumbling down to hit a literal rock bottom. Reaching the bottom of the stairs caused for instant tears and two words -meant for the Lord- that simply aren’t worth repeating. I remember how standing up and brushing myself off felt worthless. So I stayed down feeling helpless. I forgot how “when we were utterly helpless Christ came at just the right time and died for us” Romans 5:6.
The process of climbing any ladder starts with the first step which is much easier said than done. My first step involved coming the realization of where I was actually rooted. I had rooted myself in the predictability that I would be able to control my body. So naturally when my body became unpredictable I felt like my world had come crashing down. I desired predictability in all the wrong areas and forgot the fact God will work everything out for good is a completely predictable promise.
Throughout this process of rising and falling, Jesus showed the importance of not running away. I’ve learned to embrace the pain as necessary and realize I can’t hold onto the desire to run and at the same time go where God wants to lead me.
I learned I need to be grateful for the hard situation not despite it.
My pit is no longer and empty space to sit. My pit is filled with still water I now get to look down into. My pit is a well. A well is deep and life-giving. A well is accessible and pure. A well is simple and full. Anyone can receive from a well. I am a well.
