God is the Craftsman of hearts, so it’s natural that He’d know my own heart better than I do. His love is an elixir to my soul that enlightens me to my degree of dependency on Him. He shows me parts of me that He longs to cover with His sweet grace if I’d only surrender them to Him. I realize that a part of being a disciple of Jesus is surrendering your heart to let God work in you, and God’s challenged me, and has grown me more than I expected during this pre-race time.
Needless to say, the Holy Spirit has shown me parts of my heart that I didn’t even know about until after I agreed to go on the World Race. I’ll be honest…I’ve been humbled because He’s shown me the ugly truth inside of me. It’s not been easy, and I’ve been brought to my knees in tears several times over what He’s revealed to me. But God is a good Father and Jesus is Hope; the breakthrough and freedom I’ve felt just from surrendering what He’s shown me is unbelievable. So, I feel like I need to be real with everyone who’s reading this and on this journey with me. Here are five ugly truths God revealed to me, and five scriptures of hope and truth I’m declaring.
1. I fear losing my trust in God. I have absolute peace that I’m where I’m supposed to be, but let’s be real, I can’t do this on my own. I fear that if this were to fall through in any way after I’ve stepped out in faith, then I would lose my trust in God and be reluctant to say yes to missions again in the future.
But…
“He will keep in perfect peace all those who trust in Him, whose thoughts turn often to the Lord! Trust in the Lord always, for in the Lord, Jehovah, is your everlasting strength.” Is. 26:3-4
I am called to trust God, and for my thoughts to be centered on Him, not worrying about what may not happen. Perfect peace and everlasting strength are mine as I learn to trust in Him, and fix my mind on Him.
2. I fear death. This one actually really surprised me. I had no clue I feared death at all. It boils down to me not trusting God.
But…
“I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.” Rev. 1:18
Jesus Christ has conquered death. Enough said.
3. I’m more concerned with my comfort than the souls of those I’d be serving. God convicted me that I actually spend more time thinking of how I’ll stay clean, sleep, eat etc. than I do thinking and praying for the people I’ll encounter.
But…
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35
God’s love is irresistible and able to grip the hearts of man. If we surrender to Him, then He will love others through us and teach us that we’re able to love more deeply than we thought possible.
4. I’m controlling. I would LOVE to have a detailed, strategically written book that tells me of each plan for my life; a book which provides every what to do/not to do scenario that I’ll come across, not just on the mission field, but in life. I found myself agonizing and stressing over the logistics of the trip/fundraising, and worrying if I’d raise enough money. But I was missing out on the tender moments that Jesus wants to share with me right now.
But…
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” II Cor. 3:17
I know I’m where He’s called me to be and that is all I need to know. The sooner I surrender every detail to God and His plan, the sooner I can bask in my inheritance as a FREE child of God. Surrender to God equals freedom.
5. I felt like God owed me. He convicted me that I was falling into a mindset of entitlement. I found myself thinking that if I did what He asked me, then He should provide for every issue that arises. Of course, He is a good God Who loves to provide for His children. But I heard the Holy Spirit tell me very clearly, “Ariane, I owe you nothing.”
But…
“[God] made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved.” Eph. 2:5
Everything I do must stem from a heart of love for the King; it must stem from a heart that was once dead and made of stone, but through Christ’s love has been granted life and made of flesh. I do not live life out of a mindset of “if I do this then God will bless me”, but out of a resurrection mindset. I was dead, but by God’s grace He’s made me alive, and every day I must choose to walk in resurrection power of Christ. GOD OWES US NOTHING. WE OBEY BECAUSE WE’RE SO MADLY IN LOVE WITH HIM THAT WE CANNOT HELP BUT DO WHAT HE SAYS.
