20 January 2016
One month ago, I left my home in California.
One month ago, I tearfully left a place I did not expect to become so dear to my heart.
One month ago, I was on the other side of the world.
How strange it is to be in a place where “time is money” and where time moves slower. People are not in a rush. There is a respect of time here, but I don’t see the people rushing from place to place. They take their time. They are very relational and intentional.
One month ago, I would not have questioned if I was relational and intentional. Yet, here in this culture so far from what I have been used to, I am feeling inadequate. I am feeling awkward. I don’t think it’s the lack of relationship or intentionality on my part, I just see my weakness and where I fall short. It seems there is a gap between myself and the beautiful souls here.
I have much to learn.
I have a lot to learn.
But I’m not good at forming questions to ask in order for learning to take place.
I find my thoughts habitually come back to myself.
It’s so easy to keep the conversation internal.
Here I am, one month after leaving home, and 2 weeks into this journey across different cultures and lands. Things are being stirred up here that would not have been stirred up so much had I stayed in the States.
A couple days before leaving for launch, I considered remaining inside my comfortable & easy life. My heart was aching from leaving my friends in California. For a couple days I was sitting on the question of “what if I stay?”
Today I am faced with questions on the same train and same track. What the hell are you doing here, Andrea? What do you have to offer? You don’t speak this language. You barely try because you make the excuse of not being an auditory learner. This is just the beginning, you will face this language barrier time and time again. You’re not qualified. You don’t pray aloud well. You have never lived in this kind of community before. What makes you think you’ll be successful in it now? Why are you here? What does Andrea have to share?
21 January 2016
Thursday.
Today is a new day.
During our daily team time in the AM, we pray and shift our focus on Jesus together, Holy Spirit reminded me of the song I was learning to play on the guitar yesterday. The lyrics were burning in my mind. My heart was pounding. It began to pound faster. I knew that was Holy Spirit urging me to sing the song.
I don’t like to sing aloud by myself.
I don’t think I have a beautiful singing voice.
I will sing alone in my car. I will sing with other people. But I refuse to put myself in the center of attention. I don’t sing solo.
Yet Holy Spirit was telling me to sing the song. To sing it over myself and sing it over my team.
So I did. With a weak voice, I sang it out.
Full of life now
Full of passion
It’s how he made you
Just let it happen
And he calls each one of us
By name to come awake
and he whispers to your heart
To let it go and be alive
An hour or so later, nearly all of my family told me I have a beautiful voice and the song made something come alive in my sister Katie. Wow. Thank you Holy Spirit.
Initially, I didn’t feel anything super spiritual happen. I didn’t feel anything break off myself.
But hours later, after lunch, I picked up the guitar and felt less intimidated and less shy to play and sing.
I was wrong. Something happened this morning. I didn’t see the fruit of it until later, but some walls were broken down. Holy Spirit quickened me to an action, and in that action, the walls were broken down.
I know I have more walls inside, but I believe it’s a critical piece of this journey I am on. Allowing Holy Spirit to reveal and point out the walls and giving me an action to pull out a brick from the wall, and it comes collapsing down. Wow.
(landscape of Indonesia)?
?(streets of Indonesia)
(street life in Indonesia)?
