Today, I gave up something.
Something I admired.
Something I could have loved even.
For this.
My heart aches,
Watching it slip away from my hands was one of the hardest things to watch
But I said in my mind,
"God, I choose you."
And I let it pass me by.
I let it walk away.
I almost ran after it.
But I heard a small voice say,
"it's not yours to have, It is mine."
I obediently sat and close my eyes.
It was something that could have been beautiful.
but also, worldy and idolizing.
I chose Him
I could have chosen it, but then I'd be faced with a conflict because I already chose Him from the beginning when I said yes to the race.
When the words yes, came out of my mouth, It meant that I had to sacrifice everything I wanted that could be temporary,
because I am leaving. Going. Speaking. Loving. Leading.
When I said yes, it was the moment I set everything before the Lord's feet and said
"here, this is yours to have."
That would be unfair to go to the same feet and say, but, I want this back.
It doesnt necessarily work that way.
This morning as I was praying, I was praying blessing over my race, praying to begin being equipt for it, praying for change to begin in my life, now. Praying for obedience. Praying to trust in His beautiful will.
I believe The Spirit was speaking to me this morning through my devotional.
I'll share it with you.
"You can achieve the victorious life through living in deep dependence on Me. People usually associate victory with success: not falling or stumbling, not making mistakes. But those who are successful in their own strength tend to go their own way, forgetting about me. It is through problems and failure, weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on Me.
True dependence is not simply asking Me to bless what you have decide to do. It is coming to Me with an open mind and heart, inviting Me to plant My desires within you. I may infuse within you a dream that seems far beyond your reach. You know that in yourself you cannot achieve such a goal. Thus begins your journey of profound reliance on Me. It is a faith-walk, taken one step at a time, leaning on Me as much as you need. This is not a path of continual success but of multiple failures. However, each failure is followed by a growth spurt, nourished by increased reliance on Me. Enjoy the blessedness of a victorious life, through deepening your dependence on Me."
I am needy.
I will and continue to fail daily.
I am weak.
That is why I need Him.
This morning after reading that, I prayed again for strength to tackle today, and when needed time, to remember His words He spoke to me this morning. Praying for an open heart and mind.
After encountering a sacrifice, I remembered these words.
Through this small act of obedience, I am one step closer on my faith-walk.
Choosing the race means I made a big, big sacrifice. One that hurts even.
It is just the beginning sacrifice I made.
Letting it walk away is where it begins.
Heres to the start of a new me.
