“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Stressed, overwhelmed, fearful, worried, anxious, and excited; those are just a few of the emotions that I’ve been dealing with this past month. As my graduation at The Salon Professional Academy (TSPA) gets nearer these emotions seem to escalate. I am worried that I will miss another day because of health issues and break the attendance policy. I am stressed about finishing the year strong. I am overwhelmed with the thought of “What next?”. I am fearful that my decision to go on this trip is not what the Lord wants for my life. I am anxious about moving back with my Dad. But most of all I am excited to see what God has planned out for my life and what he has in store next. I know that may seem contradicting to all of what I just said, but the only reason I am able to have peace on this emotional roller coaster is because I know somehow, someway, God will work it out; he has a plan.
Throughout my year at TSPA I have made some amazing friends, I have had many health issues, I moved back home, and I made the major life decision to leave for an amazing adventure! It has been a crazy year, I have faced many obstacles, but somehow I have managed to get through it all. I know for a fact without God I would never have been able to complete any of this. I have been overwhelmed so many times. I am a very emotional person and this tends to show when I become overwhelmed. Trying to keep my composure throughout the year has been unbearably hard at times. There have been times where I wanted to quit school and give up. But now I am only 4 short weeks from being done! All of this is through Gods strength that I am able to continue and move forward day after day. I know that may seem a little dramatic to some of you, but I truly believe that without Gods strength I would not have made it through the year.
I have been dealing with my anxiety day after day. Trying to overcome the feeling of everything going wrong and getting worse is not an easy task. With the help of my mentor and my counselor I have been working on being more stable and having better control of when these emotions start to take over. With my secular counselor I have learned how to control my physical symptoms of my anxiety, my breathing and my thoughts. But with my mentor I have been learning more about Peace through my identity in Christ. This is not something that comes naturally for me. It is very hard for me to find the good in a bad situation. I have always come to expect the worst in my life so I am not used to looking for positive things. As of lately I have been trying to keep a positive outlook and focus on what is going good in my life.
My fears about going on this trip are a daily occurrence as well. I know that I’m not going to be able to get a job right after school and that is a little scary; but I also know that God will work out my finances and if all is according to his will everything will work out. It’s a scary place for me to not be in control. I have always been a planner. When I was in 5th grade I was looking at colleges. It’s not easy for me when plans don’t work out or I have to readjust. When I moved to Wisconsin when I was 16 it was definitely not part of my plan. Going to UWGB and then dropping at semester was not apart of my plan. Finishing cosmology school instead of a 4 year was not apart of my plan. Going on a 9 month mission trip was not apart of my plan! But all of this unexpected craziness was apart of Gods plan; I could not imagine my life any other way.
So I know this blog has been a rambling of my crazy emotions, but I just want people to know that I’m not perfect. I know that I need Gods strength to live and that I would be nothing without Him. Every day I am working on myself and seeking out my identity in Christ. I know that my peace comes from the Lord and that I have so far to go in my walk with Him. I am overcoming my challenges and each day I am getting stronger.
Thank you for reading my blog! Love each and every one of you!
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