I feel like I’m holding my breath…. I am growing weary..Like I’m just going through the motions… My body isn’t even holding up and it’s only like day 12 or something… I miss my intimate times with The Lord… Times where I’m
just by myself. I feel far from my family….
I’m realizing I don’t know how to communicate properly.. I shut down… I’m open to my team, but it’s the things that hurt… The things that I need to feel and handle.. I suppress… but I’m working through that… I’m fighting to be refined.. Leaning into the process…
Despite all of this… I genuinely love the moment I’m in during this time of my life.. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The grass in America is greener, but I am enjoying the unpaved road the Lord has taken me on here in the Dominican Republic for this month. The smiles of the children break down my walls.. Their need for nurturing and hugs bring out my compassion that has been so neatly hidden behind the fortress I’ve built… Why can’t I feel… Why doesn’t poverty move me like it once did… When did I become numb to emotions…. What kind of woman doesn’t have a nurturing streak? I did have one… Where’d it go..? Why is vulnerability hard for me?? Emotions are healthy and should be displayed… No one can read my mind….
These are the thoughts that have run through my mind over the last week… The World Race brings real raw emotions and heart conditions to the surface. The Lord is bringing me to a place of being completely broken for the things that break His heart… Honestly, I don’t know what this process looks like, but I do know that it is only day 12 and I am done running from it.
P.S. I am only $2,700 away from my next deadline on February 28th! Just click the support me tab to donate. Love you all!
