Training camp is hard to summarize. But one theme seemed to be constant throughout my experience; God kept reminding me to keep my eyes on Him. (easier said than done) I was meeting my squad of 50+ people for the first time of whom I will be spending the next year with. Not to mention the other 200+ launching in January on other squads. It was easy to be distracted by the unconventional sleeping situations. The community dining. The food that was very different from the food I eat on a regular basis. Bucket showers and port-a-potties. I was being stretched out of my comfort zone in every which way. But the phrase kept coming up, Keep your eyes on Me.
How do I do that? What does that look like? When I asked those things of God He teaches me! He gently reminded me throughout the week that it isn’t about me. The training camp, the world race, my life; isn’t about me! Honestly that truth is a weight lifted off my shoulders. It is about what He can do through me. It is about someone looking into my eyes and seeing Jesus looking back at them; not the walls I had up to hold in my insecurities, my secrets, my sin. He taught me that through my surrender He can do amazing things. That is when God shows up. In my weakness He is my strength.
Knowing that truth is easy but living it out day after day is a struggle! It was the 4th day of training camp and by then I felt like a pro! I was dirty, and tired, and hungry, but I was on cloud nine! I saw God moving in me and my squad mates I was overflowing with His love and peace. We had a teaching that night on the Holy Spirit and I was SO excited! I was going to full on experience the Holy Spirit, something undeniably God was going to happen, I could feel it. We get to the training center and take our seats. We started with worship and then Ron (the speaker) talked on the Holy Spirit and after he shared his experiences and taught a bit more he just opened up the night and asked the Holy Spirit to fill the space. Now, I am ready; I start praying and I am anticipating this overwhelming act of God. 10 minutes later.. Nothing has happened to me. I see people around me laughing, crying, fainting! I’ll admit I got jealous. So, I kept praying.. God I want that! Touch me too! As I am praying that gentle reminder said it’s not about you. Ouch. I turned my eyes from me to Jesus. I began thanking Him for everything that was happening around me. Worshiping Him in thanksgiving and awe. I got to witness the Holy Spirit moving in my squad mates and I almost missed it because my eyes were on myself! At the end of the session I was so sorry for almost missing this night; apologizing to God for my attitude and asking for forgiveness. My squad coach comes over and lays his hand on my shoulder and says, “God delights in you. HE ADORES YOU.” Now, that in itself is pretty cool. There I was weak and defeated and God sees me and He ADORES me.
Are you wondering what ADORE is all about? Adore is my word. It is the word that pierces my heart. Someone saying “I adore you” is the most intimate word they could use. It is the word that when it is used in a worship song it brings me to tears. Telling God that I adore Him is more intimate to me than saying I love you. So, not only did God forgive me for being selfish He said “I love you deeper than you realize. I adore you, Alyssa, and there is nothing that you can do that would make that feeling change.”
If you ask me that is an overwhelming act of God.
