Dearest Sir,
I saw you on the corner of that busy Kathmandu intersection. My friends and I walked by the first time and I glanced down in surprise. You were lying on a ratted blanket, back-down, sleeping with head rested under a small umbrella that was propped up behind the back of your neck. Your skin was tanned in a way that only comes with days spent in the sun and your eyes were shut and sunken deep into your face. The clothes on your back were torn and multicolored as if you hadn’t taken them off for weeks. As you slept, I looked. You had no hands, simply rounded places where a hand once lay and your feet resembled the same. Bandages covered these ends. Had you eaten? A small metal bucket sat at your side filled a fourth of the way with paper rupees.
50 People or so walked by as I stared. Each stepping over the ends of your blanket or staring down in horror.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I knew the Lord was calling me over. Asking me to pray, to sit, to wait. But, I was terrified. There were a million people, and I was simply an American hoping to roam the streets that day. I didn’t want to stop, I didn’t know how.
My friend spoke and we walked over together. Without her, I don’t know if I would have ever gone. We sat at the base of your blanket and attempted to speak in English. You didn’t understand, but smiled nevertheless. Thank you for that. People gathered around, watching us, waiting for something to happen. You didn’t seem to notice, but I did. And my anxiety grew. My friend prayed as I sat and looked about, wondering what the people who had gathered were expecting.
I asked the Lord for peace and boldness and courage, but ignored the boldness He kept calling me into.
I’m sorry I didn’t stop right away, didn’t stay longer, didn’t want to take the time out of my busy day for you. Not a lot anyways. I’m sorry I gave you money only because I knew others were watching and I didn’t bow my head to pray because I was terrified of being arrested. But, true love casts out fear and if I loved you well, I would have realized the risk was worth the blessing.
I’m sorry all I could think about as you cried- I want to say was the hardship and the trials you must experience, and I did- but my first thought was how beautiful of a picture it would be. But, you are not there on display. You are a profound statement of what it means to have strength and persistence, to ask for help when you need it the most, to beg for it. You are stronger than I whose pride is too great to stand broken. You are boldness and confidence. You are a testament of courage and vulnerability. How could I have assumed otherwise?
Each time someone steps out to share their hardships, it’s common to applaud them for courage and honesty-allowing others into the deepest parts of themselves. But, you do that everyday and where is your applause? Who am I that I consider those people courageous, but look at you and feel pity? I’m sorry, I’m so very, very sorry. I am broken in human desire and desperately call upon the Lord.
How easy is it for me to extend that love to my family, my friends. But, Christ calls us to love ALL. Why did I not extend that to you? I may have everything, but if I have no love: that everything is nothing. As we sat beside you on the cement, you extended your heart in a way I hope to truly emulate. Because of you, I reconsider now my love for others.The Lord, through you, unraveled the box in which I have placed love and I am forever humbled.
I love your smile and tears. I love your kindness and perseverance. I want to love like Christ, I want to love sacrificially. I want to see you how Christ does, unblemished, beautiful, so beautiful, perfect, worthy, and seen. I want to be willing to lay down my life for you, with you. I want to sit beside you and see you, really see you. Because love is eternal and I want it all for you, forever.
With Love Always,
Ally
“Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
