(Make sure to read The Story of a World Racer with a Missing Big Pack (Part 1) first to get the full story)
So debrief is over and it's time for my team and I to head to Maha Sarakham for ministry, which is 8 hours away from Bangkok.
The day we left, I still did not have my big pack. I scurried around the mall with my amazing teammate Jenifer next to where we were for debrief to buy a few essentials I needed. This venture turned out to be much more complicated than expected. You see, Thailand is a very fashionable country and most of the clothes were expensive and nothing close to appropriate for the World Race. I had many break downs through out that trip to the mall. I really wanted my Mom with me to calm me down, hug me, and tell me everything was going to be okay. Praise the Lord for sweet Jen who let me cry and encouraged me through the frustrations. We ended up leaving with a few things that would help me get through without my pack.
My team and I get to Maha Sarakham and find out our ministry is living in the YWAM (Youth With A Mission) base which is actually a small dorm for college students. Our ministry is very diverse, but for the most part, it is about forming relationships with the college students in the city and ultimately sharing the Gospel with them.
The evening of our first night there, there was a YWAM meeting. I had this strange feeling God was going to rock my life that night. I came in with expectation for Him to show up. I love those moments.
So the YWAM meeting begins with worship and I knew the second it started that this is exactly what I needed. Not only did I know the songs, but they had the English lyrics on the powerpoints for us. The combination of both of those things on the World are rare to come by and it was such a blessing to not allow language barriers to keep us from worshipping along with everyone else during the meeting.
We sang many songs that I remember singing many years ago. I remember how I loved these songs, but I never really understood them.
This night, they hit me hard. I stood there singing, "I'll never know how much it cost, to see my sin upon the cross" and almost broke down in tears right there. Those lyrics had never really meant much to me but all of the sudden they were transforming my heart.
It's easy to get immune to the Gospel. It's easy to say it over and over "Yeah, Jesus died for my sins and raised to life again" but I believe we truly need to camp out in those truths. The Creator of the universe, all powerful, all glorious, absolutely holy and perfect taking on the wrath I deserve. What if I had stood there that day and seen every moment of my sin from birth to death put on Him? Not just thought about the idea, but really stood there and watched as the Man who lived the life I couldn't live took the punishment I deserve.
I'll never know how much it cost, to see my sin upon the cross.
Suddenly, my missing big pack isn't a big deal at all.
On month 1 of the Race, I read this incredible book called Jesus + Nothing = Everything by Tullian Tchividian. (Thank you Sarah Barger for introducing me to this book!) Do yourself a favor and read it. You will never be the same. In this book he says:
"By daily preaching the gospel to ourselves, we can more readily see and confront all the idols in our lives-including those we may not be quite as aware of. We will be able to recognize that every temptation to sin is a temptation to not believe the gospel- the temptation to secure for ourselves something we think we need in order to be happy, something we don't yet have: meaning, liberty, validation, and so on. When we succumb to temptation, we are failing to believe in that moment that everything we need, in Christ we already have. Real freedom happens when the rich resources of the gospel smash any sense of need to secure for ourselves anything beyond what Christ has already secured for us."
In that moment, the Gospel soaked into the situation for the first time. No longer was my big pack my security, change of clothes, and what I needed to survive the rest of the Race. I had all I needed in Christ. I always had.
I had said the whole time, "I know God will provide". But I never believed that even if I never got my pack back that I already had everything I could ever need in Christ.
In those moments of sweet worship time, I finally surrendered. I said, "God, if you want me to finish the Race with just the few things I have right now, that's what I want too. I know I already have everything I need in You. You love me more than I could ever imagine and want what's best for me. My things are what I have relied on for my security, not You. They are an idol that I never realized I had."
I was honestly sort of excited for this crazy opportunity I'd been given. I was excited to see how God was going to continually show me He is enough throughout the rest of the Race.
"All of You, is more than enough for all of me. For every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with Your love, and all I have in You is more than enough"
I started praising Him for the blessings He'd given. I have amazing teammates who went to the airport with me everytime. I have amazing squadmates who gave me some of their clothes or gear to help get me through. I have wonderful parents who are doing all they can at home to help out and freaking out that they can't do more. I have an amazing support system at home that is praying and encouraging me through this time.
So then the meeting ends.
And my team leader Micheal says to me, "Hey Ally, during the meeting I got a call saying your bag has been found and it's at the Bangkok airport."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
It had been missing exactly a week, and in the exact moment I finally surrender every part of the situation to the Lord, my bag is found.
Of course He would bring my bag back when I finally put Him in the place He is supposed to be. Above everything else. The bag wasn’t the problem. It was my heart that had made an idol out of creation instead of Creator.
This entire situation is simply a miracle. There was no way I could have my big pack sitting right next to me right now had God not orchestrated each moment perfectly.
God had my pack in His arms the entire time, but most importantly, He had me in His arms. All along, he was gently telling me that He wants better for me than I even want for myself. He wants me to trade my trust in the ever changing things of this world to the solid rock of all that He is.
When we put all our trust, joy, identity, and comfort in the things we can see, we are settling for less than what we were made for. Even if it’s the person we’ve always dreamed would come in our life. Even if it’s the car we’ve always wanted. Even if we weigh the perfect weight. Even if it’s the job promotion that gets us to where we want to be. We were made for more. We were made to have our everything set on Jesus alone.
Colossians 1: 16-17 “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities – all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”
All of You, is more than enough for all of me.
