When you get to month 7 of the Race, you get used to sharing your testimony or preaching.
The fact that you’ve never been to seminary does not make you unqualified. You are qualified simply because you are on the Race and it’s expected of you.
I have shared many different times, in many different countries, about many different things.
But I had yet to tell my whole testimony to an entire congregation.
My testimony is largely based around my struggles with my weight my whole life and believing that if I lost weight, I would be satisfied and happy. Weight loss became an idol in my life and I was in the darkest time in my life. But God in His glorious grace, woke me up to the fact that I was made to be satisfied by Him alone.
I willingly share my testimony back home, but something has been keeping me back since I’ve been on the Race.
What could people in a third world country understand about struggles with weight anyway? They could never relate because they simply have enough food to fill their stomachs and are satisfied with that.
This month though, God has been showing me that my testimony is so much more than a struggle with my weight and working out my freedom in that.
It’s about worth.
Honestly, I still find myself battling the same lies I’ve believed for a long time.
“Maybe if I lost more weight, people would like me more.”
“Maybe if I lost more weight, I would be prettier.”
“Maybe if I lost more weight, I would be happier with who I am.”
“Maybe if I lost more weight, I would have worth.”
Each time I find myself believing these lies, I hear God combating them more than ever before.
“You are my daughter. Your weight does not depict your value to Me. I created you exactly who I wanted you to be today. I knitted you together and all of my works are wonderful. You have traveled down this road of finding your worth in weight before and where did it leave you? Empty. Find your worth in Me and let that define your view of yourself.”
This past Sunday morning, our third Sunday in Uganda, we needed two people to speak at church.
That morning I felt God telling me I needed to speak.
But not my normal testimony or Scriptures that I’m comfortable with.
I felt Him saying, “It’s time to be vulnerable. It’s time to share the part of your testimony you haven’t shared on the Race yet.”
So I volunteered to speak and that’s when the nerves began.
The idea that I was about to share something that I’m still trying to believe in my own life left me uneasy.
I just kept praying for the Spirit to guide me and give me the words that He wanted me to speak.
As I walked up to the stage and looked out at the congregation, I saw people just like me.
I saw people that may not have struggled with their weight since childhood, but I saw people that needed to find their worth in Christ just as much as I did.
I saw people that may think that if they made more money, or had more clothes, or had lighter skin, then they would have worth.
As I felt led by the Spirit, I shared with them my struggles with my weight my whole life and then my weight loss that led to a dark obsession.
I continued by sharing the familiar passage of Psalm 139: 13-14 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
As I was sharing with them, I realized something that I’ve never processed before. We are called to praise God for who we are and how He made us.
All of His works are wonderful. Not just Ally Blackwell as an entire person, but every single part of me. There is nothing about me that is a mistake. Even the things I struggle with were created in me to bring Him glory.
I felt freedom breaking in with each sentence I spoke. It was like God just wanted me to stand up in front of this incredible Ugandan congregation because it was time. It was time for me to not just acknowledge this Scripture and the truth of who I am in Christ, but to speak it out.
I even said, “I am beautiful, and so are you.”
And even though I’ve tried to believe that for my whole life, saying those words to all these people made it real. It made it something I believe and something I stand by.
So I say it to you too.
You have worth greater than you could ever imagine. Right here, right now, exactly who you are today. Everything that God makes is wonderful and that includes every part of you. You don’t have to have a better job, have a better body, or marry the man of your dreams to have worth. You were never meant to find your worth in anything on this Earth. You were made to find all of your identity in Christ alone. You are deeply and completely loved by Jesus Christ. Believe this truth with all that you are, and it will change everything.
