“I’m not a thrill seeker.”
“I don’t want to spend money on that.”
“I’m not adventurous.”
All of these were excuses I came up when people on my squad were talking about bungee jumping.
You see, during our Month 6 debrief, we were camping at this amazing resort that is also the only place in Uganda where you can bungee jump.
Before debrief, the idea of me bungee jumping wasn’t even an option. It never even crossed my mind to be something I would want to do.
But then we got there and I saw multiple people bungee jumping every single day.
At first it didn’t effect me at all. Ally Blackwell and bungee jumping simply do not belong in the same sentence. Ever.
Our third night there, I unknowingly befriended the man that puts the bungee on. He was telling me how safe it is and how they make it 10 times safer than it even needs to be. He told me how important it is for him that every person does not get hurt.
As I sat there talking with him, I began to question myself.
If I truly believe my new friend here, and believe that bungee jumping is safe, what am I afraid of? What is really holding me back from bungee jumping?
This question was at the back of my mind for the next few days. I saw friend after friend enjoying bungee jumping and each time, I was secretly asking myself why I wasn’t up there with them.
On our second to last night there, I had a great Facebook chat with my Dad, where he asked me if I had touched the Nile yet.
I said, “No, but I could bungee jump into it”.
After giving him the details of how much it cost and how safe it is, he said I should do it. He even emailed me that night saying he hoped I would do it.
Then the last day I could do it came. I had until 2 o’clock to make the decision.
Through the day I took a lot of time by myself to decide if I should really do this. I asked myself the same questions. What was holding me back from bungee jumping?
After some prayer and soul searching, I realized what was really holding me back.
It was that moment when you just jumped off the edge. That second when you’re free falling and the bungee hasn’t caught you yet. I knew that moment would be the most terrifying moment of my life.
My fear of bungee jumping suddenly became much more personal than me simply not being adventurous.
What if I have trust issues that keep me back from fully living out the years God has orchestrated for me on this Earth?
I knew the bungee would catch me. I was there when he tied the bungee around my feet. I was there when he told me it is 10 times safer than it needs to be. I even saw many people do it safely and love the experience tremendously.
But I still struggled with doubt.
What if I am the one person that it isn’t safe enough for? What if the bungee doesn’t catch and I end up falling to my death?
I began to see the connection between bungee jumping and my relationship with Christ.
I read His Word and know the truths that are laced all throughout it. I have seen His faithfulness show up in huge ways throughout my entire life. I have had moments in my life that I know have God’s fingerprints all over them, even though I didn’t know it at the time.
But I still struggle with thoughts of doubt.
What if I have hit my quota for God’s faithfulness? What if He decided He wasn’t going to pay attention to a certain area in my life? What if He isn’t all glorious and all powerful?
In those moments, it is absolutely essential that we jump. We can’t let doubt and fear keep us on the ledge of what God has called us for.
“If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself” 2 Timothy 2:11-13
God’s faithfulness is not based on ours.
I am SO unbelievably thankful for that.
In those moments where we jump into the unknown, we are stepping into the territory we are called to live in.
Trust.
As the countdown for my jump began I looked straight ahead and promised myself I would jump during the first count. No matter what I was feeling, I was going to take the plunge after the first “3-2-1-Bungee!!!”
3…
2…
1…
BUNGEE!!!!
With arms spread wide open, and eyes opened to the beauty surrounding me, I jumped just like I promised myself.
The infamous moment that was threatening to hold me back, turned out to be beautiful and exhilarating and not nearly as terrifying as I had imagined. A moment I will never forget.
And once again, God reminded me that that is just how it is when we trust Him. The fear and the “what ifs” and the doubts in the moments before we jump into what He has called us to, are always worse than reality.
I have so many moments in my life where I am laughing and shaking my head remembering moments I was worried or stressed or fearful and it turns out I had nothing to worry about at all.
In this sinful world, I believe we will always have those moments of doubt that surface by way of worry, fear and stress.
But God is not threatened by those moments.
He is not frustrated that we can’t see the whole picture that only He is able to see.
He simply asks us to take His hand and allow His promises and faithfulness to surpass any doubts and fears we may have.
I want to live life like a constant bungee jump. Sometimes the jumps are thousands of feet about the water and sometimes they’re just a few feet. But each one is a moment that I can no longer depend on myself.
I am forced to trust Someone who is millions times safer than I could ever imagine.
And that is one beautiful place to be.
