I have been pursuing greater intimacy with God lately in a major way. And in a new way. I’ve been seeking a turning point from where I’ve been to new heights. I sing to God a lot about how He’s my “everything” and for the last while I’ve been praying that He would show me what it looks like to BE my everything. It looks like dependency.
Being here on the World Race has changed my heart towards just about everything. It has changed the way I view my life as a whole. It is causing me to constantly seek the Lord, asking Him what His purpose is for me here on this earth. It has given me ample opportunity to depend on Him… fully. I am so grateful for this time because I am learning how to walk it out and not just speak of it. I am learning how to really live. I am learning how to live a life of healing, redemption and purpose.
I have realized that I have never truly, 100%, devoted everything to Him. Why should I have? I had everything. I was living a stable life with a great job, loving family and friends who would be there for me in everything. I was offered opportunities right and left that didn’t push me to grow and trust in Him. I could get by and be happy with what I had. Yes, I loved Jesus and everything he did for me, and yes, I did trust in Him in certain areas of my life, but it was never everything.
Now I am not saying that you cannot trust in God if you have these things. I am also not saying that you need to part for the World Race in order to be able to trust in the Lord. I am just saying that because I had all of these comforts, because I was living a good life, I did not choose to fully and wholeheartedly seek and depend on Him. Instead, I chose to be comfortable in these comforts.
The real dependency thing started last month in Malawi with my 30 hour fast. 30 hours may not be that long to some of you but I can’t remember the last time I was able to go 8 hours without food let alone 30 hours! However, I thought, “God created my body and He is certainly capable of taking care of me so why not?” Plus I knew the Lord didn’t want limits on what I am able to do this trip and in life so I stepped out in faith- in the name of victory and dependency. Needless to say, I didn’t die. I didn’t pass out. In fact I didn’t feel sick or get worried at all. The Lord faithfully sustained me because I depended fully on Him.
It continues.
God has asked me to observe a social media and chocolate ban for the month of January. Is this cruel and crazy? No, it’s beautiful. God is calling me to abandon comforts and distractions so He can be my EVERYTHING. This ban came at the perfect time. I love it. I want more Jesus and less of everything I depend on before Him.
For this month my team is helping out a single mom with three children and the seven teenage boys who are a part of her program at Beacon of Hope (http://www.beaconofhope-africa.org). Angie is an incredible woman of God and the kids are an absolute delight. This family has faced a number of challenges and just being around them is humbling to say the least. In the short time we have spent with them, God has used them to bless me and teach me more about Him and about dependency. Angie has expressed that she sees miracles every day in the way God provides for them. She has come to the point of being so worry-free that when asked if she needs a car (which she doesn’t have and clearly could use) she said “I don’t know if I need it. But if I do God will provide it.” Angie says she has stopped asking for what she needs because He knows— and what she needs is typically given to her before she even knows she needs it. She is in a place so far past the end of herself, that there is no choice but to totally rely on God for everything.
Being dependent is freedom, and it is counter-intuitive to our human nature so we fight it rather than resting in it. Independence is revered in the world but people still live enslaved to worry, fear and anxiety.
I recently read something that spoke to me profoundly and in perfect divine timing…
“Jesus, Love incarnate, is constrained to help whenever He sees His children to be in want. But He waits for empty hearts, for hands stretched out, wherein He may lay His gifts.”
God cannot totally blow our minds with His provision until we stop clinging to things, worries, and our own capabilities and totally depend on Him as our everything.
In choosing to really give my everything up to Him, I am experiencing His supernatural peace during some of the most chaotic times, times when the world tells you that you need to be sad, afraid, angry and upset. I am experiencing His grace, which is teaching me what it looks like to forgive.
Granted, I am not perfect. I certainly do not have all of the answers. But, I do have the strength of the Lord because I am choosing to put my trust and dependence in Him. And with that, I know I can overcome anything. I will overcome everything.
