Unity is one of the most life-giving aspects of Jesus for me. I crave it and celebrate it in the core of my being, even while doing mundane things such as:
-standing in a line at a coffee shop
-sitting in traffic
-waiting at the DMV
(Dad, I know you’re frowning at the sight of the word traffic and wondering who’s child I am at the thought of me possibly enjoying it)
There’s a part of me that squeals inwardly at the thought of a bunch of people all in the same space physically and mentally. Not sure why its just the way the Lord wired me.
I see unity all over who he is, the heart of the father and the purpose of the cross. When it is lacking, I feel it deeply; when it’s present, it feels like time moves a little slower. For me, it’s a weird glimpse of heaven in typically not so heavenly circumstances.
Last month in Peru, our team was under a lot of spiritual attacks. We were disconnected, burnt out and pulled away from the desire for unity. When I brought it to the Lord, he gave me a picture of fog around us and in between us. I asked what this fog represented, to which I didn’t receive an answer.
I sat with this image for 2 weeks. Mulling over it, looking for references in the Bible and praying over it. I couldn’t seem to find an answer and I felt frustrated and isolated in it.
Our last week in Peru, I got to spend some time with one of the incredible gals that leads our squad, Hannah (Gran Cermet as we like to call her.) She asked me to share my story with her as well as what I’d been feeling and thinking through this past month, it was through this conversation that I realized something.
For a while now, I’ve been placing a lot of my worth in whether or not I could bring people together. On my own strength and in my own way. I felt that when there was harmony and unity in a group, that somehow that equated to me being someone of value. I felt that my presence and ability to be ‘on’ in that situation was the reason that things were working out.
Let me remind you, the past month in Peru was one of the most disunited months in our team since entering into the race. My frustration at not being able to identify the fog was deeper than a longing for unity, it was a longing for worth. Adding onto that, I felt too prideful to admit that I was struggling with the team. I wanted to fix the problem and not have to be weak in the meantime, pick it all up, make it all better and keep going.
Sounds a bit complicated, right? It is almost comical to me when Jesus gives perspective. Realizing later that a part of the reason I was feeling isolated was totally self-inflicted, yet in the midst of it unable to see two feet in front of me. The deep desire for unity that the Lord has given me had been distorted into me, my ability and whether or not I was enough.
I’m thankful for a father that continually redeems and refines his beloved.
When we got to Bolivia, my feelings didn’t shift dramatically because of this new perspective. I still felt frustrated and isolated within myself, but the clarity that the lord gave me in my part of the situation was simultaneously freeing.
As a team, we had a conversation about unity, realness and all of the things in between. This conversation was gracefully and boldly brought forward by sweet Hannah Beth, I am thankful for her ability to articulate what Holy Spirit is saying to her. As soon as she started speaking, I felt immediate release.
He had been putting the same thing on our hearts about our team. The words that she shared perfectly explained my thoughts and feelings. Again, almost comical when Jesus shares perspective with us. At that moment, isolation was eradicated and frustration was invited. She created a space for us to be vulnerable with each other through Holy Spirit’s prompting.
Holy ground y’all.
We talked, cried and discussed where we were at, the things we had felt and what the Father had been showing us. I got to share about the fog that I was seeing amongst our team and my frustration at being unable to interpret it. I shared my feelings of inadequacy in being unable to fix the disunity on my own and how that had been pushing me into a place of isolation.
It was healing to be reminded of who I am. When you’re in a group of 6 God fearing women, its hard to avoid the truth that Jesus speaks. I asked the other gals to pray into the fog and ask the Lord what it was. Our next conversation was focused on this question, he revealed to each of us different aspects of the fog. Another reminder that I cannot do this on my own.
Tender.
We’ve committed to pursuing unity in a direct way and to make it a topic of conversation weekly, rather than just when it explodes in our faces. I’m learning a lot about the importance of bringing things to the table as they come instead of when I’ve neatly wrapped them and made them easier to swallow. He’s teaching me the importance of rooting my worth and identity in truth and the magnitude of his grace.
As we enter into this month in Bolivia, we need prayer from our people back home. This is our last month as a team of 6 on the race. When getting to Argentina, we will be having team changes and learning from new folks.
I ask for prayer for:
-depth
-rawness
-unity amongst these new teams
-sweet time that with the current team
-continual refinement of my identity
-fundraising
Thank you for loving me and learning with me.
Love y’all.
Allie
Fundraising Update:
I am about $3,000 away from my fundraising goal. Our deadline is the 31st of this month and I feel that the Lord is pressing me to stay on the field. Without my goal being met, I will have to go home before the 11 months is up.
If you can give toward this goal, it would mean a lot to me. If not, I would love if you could share this post for others that may feel led.
Thank you so much for being apart of the work the Father is doing in my life.
