16 September 2018
Some days I look at my life and I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry.
Walking into this 4th round of Passport leading has been so tough. I struggled with so many doubts and anxieties. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I’m really supposed to be here. I mean, I know in my heart that the Lord prepared my way here, but my head doesn’t always get that. Sometimes I almost feel too broken to lead. But, isn’t that what God wants? Someone to lead not out of their own strengths but relying on him?
Just surrender.
In my doubts and anxieties, I haven’t lost sight of the way God has ordained and orchestrated my life so beautifully. I have an absolutely amazing team that is loving and supportive. In an unexpected answer to prayer, I’m back at one of my favorite ministries. Every day I get tons of hugs and I’m reminded of the simplicity of childlike faith.
Just trust.
Why do I always have to complicate it? Why do I always feel like I have to get X amount of tasks done, and done flawlessly? All God has called me to do is love him and with that, love others. I have no other jobs or tasks.
Just love.
I’m so amazed and humbled by how awesome the Lord is. How His redemption courses through my veins. How out of the muck and the mire, He was able to grow a beautiful flower. How it never had anything to do with me, but has always been and always will be Him. He created me. He loves me. He prepares me. He grows me. He loves me. He has brought me joy in the morning, hope in the unseen, and peace in the unknown.
Just be still and know that He is God.
