God, I honestly just don’t understand You sometimes. What even is happening? Why would You do something like this? Why would the Creator of the universe pick me to be here in Battambang right now with these people. I reckon sometimes I just don’t get it. I may never get it, actually. Thank You for these sweet girls here with me in Memory Cafe. Jesus, thank You so much for Leah and Gracie that really get me. Sometimes like right now in the hot sweaty silence I begin to wonder what exactly I’m doing and where I’m going. It’s confusing You are complex, yet Your Love for everyone is so simple. Your Love cast away all fear. You are perfect and Your presence is Heaven.
God, these days are extremely long and most people would follow that by saying the years will fly by, but Lord that idea seems absurd in this moment. I don’t want to spend five more weeks in Asia let alone eight more months before I see my family. EIGHT MORE MONTHS before I am able to be back in Alabama. Aww how I miss the clean air. Oh, how grateful I am for the familiarity of everything. Oh, Lord You only know my heart. You comprehend every emotion we experience. What will I say? How will I possibly express all the thoughts running through my head? I am simply unworthy to be here. I don’t think I am capable of finishing this race You’ve set before me. How guilty I do feel when these thoughts escape from my heart. Such filthy words spoken into existence I will never be able to get back.
Lord this is an exceptional privilege I have. To be here, so supported by such lovings ones and to put everything to a halt to devote nine months of my life specifically for You. Jesus, only You understand.
Oh, please forgive me God for these disgusting thoughts. Lord, I will cling to You. For You are the only reason why. Please, come quickly Jesus.
