My alarm goes off. I reach onto my bedside table and hit snooze. “Just 5 more minutes in bed,” I think.
The sun comes up and she begins to hear her little brother crying. They haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday.
I roll around in my queen size bed, cuddling up in my comforter and plethora of pillows. I’m cold because the air conditioning is on. I contemplate sleeping another 30 minutes–knowing that it’s no big deal to go into work a little later than usual.
Her brother continues to cry. She reaches for his hand and tells him that everything is going to be ok. Mom’s been at work all night, selling her body to tourists for less than they can purchase a single beer at the bar.
I complain about getting up so early to get ready for work. “I wish I was a boy,” I mutter, thinking about how much easier it would be if I didn’t have to wash and dry my hair everyday. I dread going through my closet. “I have nothing to wear,” I think as I sort through hundreds of shirts, some still with the tag on.
Her and her brother eat, sleep and play in the same clothes. There’s not enough money to buy diapers for her younger brother, so he walks around in an oversized shirt and sandals. They have dirt on their faces–they haven’t been properly bathed in weeks.
I put my headphones in my ears and walk to work. I pray as I walk, thanking the Lord for another day. I ask Him to give me peace where I am. I want to be happy in the job that everyone tells me is “so awesome.” I don’t want to feel like there’s more for me outside of Minnesota. I continue to suppress whispers from the Holy Spirit. “You have everything you could ever need,” I tell myself. “People dream of blessings like this.”
Her mom comes home from work, exhausted from the night before. Her mom won’t tell her what she does for a job. “I was at work,” her mom says, brushing her off. But she knows better. She knows that mom is down the street, offering herself to the drunk tourist. “Mom has to do that for me,” she thinks. She feels guilty, but she also knows that working in the sex industry is the only way her mom can feed the family.
I come home from work, I workout, I cook dinner, I watch the news.
I’m comfortable.
That same thought begins to creep up again. “There’s something more,” the Holy Spirit whispers to me.
I continue to shove the thought away. “I can’t leave Minnesota,” I think. “Why would I leave? My whole life is here! My family, my friends, my job. No, Papa. I’ve got it too good here to want anything else.”
She sits in the room that her family shares and watches her mom sleep off last night’s “work.” She wants to be like any other little girl. She wants to play dolls and paint her nails. Instead, she takes care of her brother. She constantly worries. There’s no time to be a little kid. She’s in charge. She can’t be a child, she’s forced to become an adult.
I lay in bed that night. I talk to my Father, telling him how my day was. I come across a passage from Matthew 4.
“Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” (Matthew 4:19)
Like every other night, I close my Bible, turn off my light, and get cozy in my bed. I desperately pray to the Lord–telling him that I feel stuck. I feel like He’s called me to an epic adventure, but I’m not sure what that adventure is.
As I close my eyes and get ready to fall asleep, the Lord whispers to me. “Alex, as I have loved you, I want you to love others. I want you to get uncomfortable for the sake of the Kingdom. Follow me and I will make you a fisher of men.”
She closes her eyes at night, blinking back tears.
She doesn’t understand why she’s hungry.
She doesn’t understand why Mom’s always gone.
She doesn’t feel loved–she feels worthless, like she’s more of a burden than a blessing.
Jesus called Simon and Andrew to leave everything and follow Him. He called them away from their homes, their jobs, their comfort. Without hesitation, “they left their nets and followed Him.” Jesus made them fishers of men. He gave Simon and Andrew the greatest gift of all–the gift of a relationship with the creator of the universe, a relationship with God who created you and me divinely in His image.
Jesus spent three years of ministry loving radically. He loved prostitutes, lepers, tax-collectors, mothers, children and His followers all the same. When Jesus died on the cross, he called His Apostles to go out into the world and spread the word. That call from the Lord isn’t finished. We’re called to spread Jesus love just as Peter, Paul and the rest of the Apostles were. Jesus told us: “Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. Freely you have received, so freely give.” (Matthew 10:8).
I feel called to love like Jesus loved. I want to minister to the girl who doesn’t feel loved. I want to tell her that she’s more loved than she can even comprehend–that someone died on the cross simply so she could live.
Freely you have received
Freely we receive unconditional, irrevocable, unwavering love from the King of Kings.
Freely we receive forgiveness for our sins because the Father sacrificed His one and only son on the cross to die FOR US.
Freely we receive a relationship with the ruler of the universe! The maker of the heavens and the Earth. The maker of the fish in the sea and the grains of sand on the beach. The maker who knit us together in our mother’s wombs. The maker who counts the stars and calls them all by name.
So freely give.
The Lord has called us to go out into the nations and spread the Good News.
He’s called us to love one another, not as people from different walks of life, but as brothers and sisters in Christ.
The Lord has called us to get uncomfortable for Him and for His everlasting Kingdom.
The Lord calls me to radically love His people. Just like Simon and Andrew, He calls me to leave the comforts of my home, my job, my family and my friends.
He calls me His daughter. He calls me His beloved.
He calls me to trust in Him.
Alright, Lord. You win. Let’s do this thing.
I will be traveling to South America over the next year trying to love like Jesus loved. I’ll be working with His children, spreading the Good News to people who have never even heard His name.
I’ll be leaving the comforts of my home to live out of a backpack for 11 months. I ask for your support in whatever way possible. First, I ask for prayers. This is going to be the most challenging, most rewarding year of my life and I absolutely cannot do it without your thoughts and prayers. If you feel lead to support financially, please click on the “Support Me” tab above.
Here’s to trusting in the my Father.
You can have it all, Lord. I just want you.
