Again I have neglected my blog. I have been home from training camp for almost two weeks already and have struggled to put into words what exactly God did to prepare me to leave in January, because He did so much. So now that I have had plenty of processing time I will try my best to describe what God has shown me about His story and how the plans He has to make me apart of His story align with mine.
BACKSTORY:
Growing up I had this idea of what my life would look like when I got older. I had decided that I would go to college for something important, fall in love with a good strong Christian man of God, have a cute little house, have some kids, and be the best wife and mother I could possibly be!
To my disappointment, none of these things have happened thus far in my life. As a result of trying so hard to make my plans work the way I thought they should, I messed up. Big (that is a whole other story in itself). I am now 23 years old, I have no idea what my future holds as far as a career, I have not fallen in love with the Godly man of my dreams, and I have no house with cute little kids running around.
GOD WRECKED MY PLANS. HE IS STILL WRECKING MY PLANS.
You see, I was trying to plan out my life and squeeze a little bit of God in there somewhere. I wanted to live comfortably and have the “perfect Christian life”. I wanted what other people had. Not what God had for me.
It wasn’t until all my plans crumbled into a million pieces that I finally surrendered them to the Lord. I can still remember the moment I fell to my knees and asked God to take all of me, and do what ever He had to do to completely change my life and make me apart of what He is doing. A weight lifted off my shoulders when I prayed that prayer, and God has been faithful to that request ever since. God doesn’t ever force us to grow. That is all apart of our own free will, to follow Him and trust that He knows what He is doing and that it is for our good. So why was I so unsatisfied with my plan? Simply because I was not living out the call God placed on my life, I was trying to plan things my way. I was to afraid to chase after the dreams my Father placed inside of me, so I was left feeling unfulfilled.
Last year God lead me into a season of waiting on Him, of healing, redemption, and letting Him glue back together the pieces of my life as a result of my own plans shattering me. Years earlier I had a word spoken over my life that said, “He will sovereignly lead you into a season of preparation and identity. Through testing and training He will mark you with true beauty and favor upon your life. Giving you the gift of persuasiveness, He will anoint your words and gifting’s to lead others into the truths of the Lord’s heart. You were made for “such a time as this”, for power, destiny, and encounter with Jesus, to release to others.” At the time this word was given to me I couldn’t see how God would use me to lead others to His heart. So He led me into this season, and He began to form my new identity in Him: not in my plans or dreams, but in his plans and dreams for me to further his Kingdom!
God called me out of college and into the ministry; I joined a program called ACE Teams where I was asked to lead a group of young adults, like myself, in ministry. I didn’t feel qualified or even worthy to do such a thing, but through saying yes I experienced true freedom from the false identity I had been holding onto. God used this time to stretch me and bring me out of my comfort zone I had been living in. He began this work of healing my heart and showing me what I was made for.
Although I had given my plans to the Lord, I still had this idea of what life would look like after ACE Teams was over. I lived in close community for a year with three other women, we served and did ministry together, we weren’t aloud to date, we had one day off a week, we had a curfew, we couldn’t make any plans without each other, and all of these things caused us to lean on the Lord more and more each day because we didn’t have control of how we ran our lives.
I loved this season, but I was so ready for it to be over. I kept looking ahead at what was next. I decided I would go back to college and study some sort of ministry, because that seemed like the right thing to do. Right? WRONG. As soon as I started making plans for life after ACE, God stepped in. Instead of college, He called me to the World Race!
Fast-forward three months later to the present. I am now two weeks out of training camp that took place in Gainesville, GA. I am ten weeks away from leaving for India, where I will spend a month and then travel to ten other countries where I will serve for a month at a time.
I will spend eleven months in close community with other Jesus lovers like myself, spreading the Gospel and serving the least of these in eleven different countries. We won’t have much control over our schedules. We can’t date. I was placed on an all girls team. Where I was then asked to lead this team for a season.
Sound familiar? Yes, almost identical to the last season of my life, just on a grander scale. I didn’t think it would look like this. But God told me that He still has me in this season for a reason. He isn’t done yet. I have to live in this season and I have to stop trying to look ahead. I didn’t think I was still holding onto MY life plan, but in many ways I was.
The fact is that this is God’s story, and I have the privilege of being apart of it. He loves His children so much, that He chases after them even when they have their backs turned to Him, and then uses their brokenness to lead other broken people to know His redeeming love! He loves us so much that He corrects us, and sets our feet on the right path. No matter how many times we may choose the wrong one!
Maybe you have tried planning out your life, and it probably looks completely different than mine, but that doesn’t matter. God wants to use you and He wants you to be apart of His story. He wants to use you in your community, in your work place, in your school, in your home. He wants to lead you, not follow you.
Last night I started looking at my Facebook timeline (silly, I know), but I was amazed at what I found. I couldn’t recognize the girl on the screen. It can be easy to forget all that the Lord has done in my life. But when I look back and see all He has done in me, and how He did it, I realize that change wasn’t always easy, but it was so good because it lead me here! To a place where I can be used by God and have the assurance that His plans will always be better than my own. God cares about your desires, but the closer you walk with Him, the more your desires will align with His. Let the Lord lead you, surrender your plans, and trust your Father who has gone before you and prepared the way for your each and every step.
Life starts, the moment your comfort zone ends!
