I owe you an apology. I’m sorry I haven’t blogged a lot for the month of September, or provided a riveting read about the Philippines.
Please let me explain. I was preparing to and even looking forward to roughing it, and instead our squad was gifted one of the top voted World Race sites; unlimited clean water, electricity, WiFi, beds to sleep in, and a cook named Maloo.
These comforts felt uncomfortable, undeserved, and I wished I could be home making a “real” difference in my nursing career, not wasting my time, or my supporters’ money.
Another challenge was that because we arrived September 11th we had eleven less days in the Philippines, and while our squad was exposed to the variety of service opportunities at Kids International Ministries (KIM), we were unable to focus on one given area and unable to build better relationships with locals.
I have also been struggling with the need to feel successful again in the way of my nursing career, of efficiently checking off lists I make for my usual life, and especially of having some way of measuring progress.
Perhaps the hardest thing to wrap my head around was regarding a conversation with one of my teammates regarding my month-one experience that looked something like this:
First she asked if I knew I was supposed to be on the World Race.
I said “without a doubt”.
She said “well then you are in God’s will”.
And I said “this really doesn’t look like God’s best move”.
She said “well it’s God will, so that’s obnoxious for you to think you know better than He does”.
And I said “yes, but do you see my point?”
And she said “it’s not about your perspective”.
That was a pivotal conversation. But it hosts one of those concepts where you initially think “well that makes sense”. Then you take a full pause, tilt your head, and wonder silently if it actually does make sense, and then you wonder how making sense can be so fleeting, and all that happens as your face contorts into a puzzled expression, which then causes you to wonder if all your wondering will lead to weird wrinkle lines one day. Ahh aging. Good thing I’m only 23. That’s right, I am proud to be a 23rd old Registered Nurse who works in Internal Medicine. Oops wait, that was a month ago. Now I’m 23 and on the World Race, spending my time “in God’s will”. Oh right, I was confused about that and that’s why I am feeling uneasy and discontented. I apologize God for my misunderstanding, but do You see my perspective? To which God replies “Alana, its not about your perspective”.
But here are a few things I’ve learned in the Philippines about life:
– My life isn’t on hold. This is my life. Nursing is on hold. I guess I’ve equated nursing and life.
– My identity is currently based on the life I had, not on who God says I am.
– I know God is big and can raise the dead, heal the sick, and do the impossible. I didn’t see a lot of obvious “impossibles” becoming “possible” in month-one. But God has shown me through this lack, that the “impossible” is not only an obvious physical ailment, but can also be founded in the inner-workings of my heart, my thoughts, the patterns I have instilled in my life that do not involve God, the plans I have for my time, the needs I have founded in performance, achievement, approval from the world and not my God. From my perspective, I am impossible for God. God is showing me that even I am not impossible for Him. It’s not about my perspective anyway, apparently.
– God’s will is purposeful, but the definition of purposeful is not the same as my definition of success. This is not a compatible correlation, and it needs to be. Being in God’s will should be my definition of success. This needs to change.
Month Blitz:
– I was able to participate in pre-natal check-ups, and help deliver a baby.
– Played with street kids, helped in construction for a number of days, was able to visit the beautiful girls who have been abused in their childhoods, but are now safe and live in their own home together with a guardian, go to school, and have goals and opportunity for possible post-secondary education.
– Teammates: we all shared our testimonies with each other. Vulnerability takes strength and does not necessitate weakness, but instead necessitates change and freedom. God did such a good job at making these teams.
– There is something about looking into beautiful eyes, and on the flight to Manila I prayed and asked God for some beautiful eyes to look into. God provided some gorgeous eyes, a pair of which belonged to a little boy named Precious who loved being spun in circles, and another pair to a boy named Arnold who wants to be a pilot one day.
– We were able to meet various groups of people also staying at KIM: an Australian family, pastors from Kansas, missionary teachers from Singapore, and the various locals who lived and worked at our living location. Oh and the dogs, Tyson, and Savage (I love Savage).
– First exposure to “MK’s” (missionary kids). Impressed with their broad world view, conversational skills, and confidence.
– I have a new appreciation for liquid milk, seeing that there is none to be found here.
One of my month-one highlights:
My teammate Kaleigh and I went to a crossfit event in Manila. Here’s how our transportation to the event played out: We walked out of our gate and to break up a fight among some street kids, then walked to the end of our street to share a tricycle with 5 adults, 2 kids, and 1 live chicken in a box – which Kaleigh found hilarious, and I of course found her laughing hilarious… Next, we flag down a taxi out of blind trust that this is acceptable on the corner we were on, and then try to communicate to a Tagolog speaking local where we are wanting to go. In the taxi, we enter the Manila traffic, but are successfully dropped off at the correct street but have to find our way on foot to the location based on directions from a vague email from a stranger. We find a construction zone, the beginnings of apartments..and then finally a patch of grass with people and water coolers. There was an event and it was SO FUN! During the event, it started to rain, and then down poured in true Manila fashion, and after some team pictures and goodbyes, we walk back the way we came, waving down every taxi we saw – unsuccessfully. We must have been the only two white girls in a foreign country in the history of the world who could not get a taxi to pull over. Hmmm… was it because you could literally ring out our rain soaked clothes? I was half laughing because we stood out even more as the white people obviously lacking umbrellas. We decided a jeepney was our next option, but the ones we needed drove past us, and just when I was starting to get worried- seeing that it was getting dark and we had no way of getting home, Kaleigh decided it was a good time to talk about a movie she’s seen… Let’s just say I was not an engaged listener. For whatever reason, a minute later, a taxi drove right to us, but when he realized how soaked we were, a tense moment ensued. Thankfully he chose to drive us anyway. In the 3 hours we were gone from the place we were staying at, it had rained so much there was minor flooding on the roads – which is not uncommon in Manila. That cab driver received a generous tip.
In the end, our main contact in the Philippines complimented our 42 person squad for our ability to serve and prefer one another over ourselves. Our team was also complimented on our dynamics and our quiet strength. Proud of Team Sozo.
Please pray for:
– health and energy among my squad
– increased ability to hear God’s voice throughout the day
– willingness to change
– willingness to be vulnerable in the team context
– Please see FaceBook: Alana Natalie Flora for Philippine photos posted by myself and my squadmates.
Congratulations on completing that read!
Blessings to you, my readers. May you come to know personally that YOU are not an impossible case for God.
XXX
