And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take
up his cross daily and follow me.”
Luke 9:23
The last month has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. We are breaching the time of year where I tend to fall into a cycle of depression, I started a new job, and I have made tons of new friends while reconnecting with others. With all of this, I have really begun to doubt my plans for the next year, or so, of my life. As I think about leaving those I love or as I go through all of my things and the hundreds of piles of clothing and begin downsizing I have absolutely melted at the idea of walking away. I have let this fleshly desire to be comfortable and to be surrounded by cute letter boards, tapestries, 15 pairs of shoes, 25 different outfits, art, lamps, and familiarity drag me down and let me panic. As a result, I pulled away from my World Race squad, I pulled away from planning, and I wallowed in the idea that maybe I had gotten in over my head and this wasn’t God’s plan for me. I TOLD NO ONE AND I DEFINITELY DIDN’T PRAY ABOUT IT. And when a friend said, “how is planning going? Is this still what you want to do?” I went to my car and I cried because even though I said yes to him, I had no idea. In that moment I knew I had been going about this all wrong and I really just needed to seek God. so, I sat in my car, I cried, and I prayed and within seconds God reassured me and reminded me that he called me to this and he will comfort me through this process. This is his plan and I am just here to serve him and allow him to work in me and mold me into who he wants me to be.
So, to my squad; I am so sorry for pulling myself away from you guys instead of leaning on you for support. The love and community that you have already given me through the beginning of this journey is so incredible that I can only begin to imagine what the next year is going to be like. I am looking forward to continuing to get to know you during this time of preparation and waiting.
To my family, friends, and all the people I love at home; Thank you for allowing me to lean on you when I am overwhelmed and for preparing me, encouraging me, and pushing me to seek out God’s will in this. You guys have no idea how daunting it seems to leave all of you but it is so comforting to know that I have a whole team of people that will be praying for me back home.
For the remainder of this month, I am going to be focusing on remembering to be still in God’s presence and his plans, leaning on the people who love me, and continuing to put emphasis on planning and preparing.
I am so excited to be back on track for this journey and I hope you will be praying for me as I continue to prepare myself physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially! Love all of you so much and I am incredibly grateful for each of you!
