In the blog that I wrote earlier I listed the things that I learned at Training Camp, majority were lighthearted funny things. I avoided the serious lessons that I learned simply because I was not done processing. Though I am still working through a lot of things that I experienced, there is one thing in particular that I would like to share. I have started this blog a couple different times and each time I couldn’t find the words. So bare with me…
The third night of worship I found myself praying through the entirety of it. I had so many questions for God. I felt unworthy and confused. So many God fearing people surrounded me. The Holy Spirit was undeniably present in that moment. A room full of people standing there with their hands in the air singing their hearts out to God, the walls of the training center were literally shaking from their voices. Looking around I saw people that had gone from strangers to family in the matter of three days.
I closed my eyes as tight as I could and I stood there talking to God…
Why me God?
Are you sure I can do this?
Am I good enough?
In my mind, I couldn’t grasp why God had allowed me to experience this. I wasn’t good enough, I hadn’t done enough, I had made to many mistakes, I have sinned way to many times. You name it, I thought it. God has given me this incredible opportunity to go out and share his faithfulness with people all over the world, yet I didn’t feel worthy enough.
In the midst of these questions to God, the worship music broke through the silence in my head and I heard the words of a song called “Since your Love” by United Pursuit
You are the light
Song of my life
You always lead me
You are the voice inside
You are my love
No one before you
All that I am
Points to You
And I was made by you
I was made for you
I am unfulfilled without full communion
You are the light
Song of my life
You always lead me
You are the voice inside
You are my love
No one before you
All that I am
Longs For You
And I was made by you
I was made for you
I am unfulfilled without full communion
I was made by you
And I was made for you
I am unfulfilled without full communion
Since your love got a hold of me
Since your love got a hold of me
I’m a new creation
I’m forever changed
I was made by you
I was made for you
I am unfulfilled without full communion
In you, is all I need
You’re my breath, you’re my life, you’re my everything
Those words resonated inside my chest. The music was vibrating my entire body. “Since your love got a hold of me, I’m a new creation, I’m forever changed, I was made by you, I was made for you”. Those words continued to repeat in my mind.
Why was I questioning God?
Why was I standing there doubting myself?
I was literally made by God and I was made for him and I was questioning the very thing that he created.
If you find yourself questioning your self-worth please stop and whisper to yourself, “I was made by you, I was made for you.” Our God is SO SO good and every single one of his creations is done with great consideration. His creations are beautiful and perfect, even in the midst of your messy and imperfect reality.
