Song inspired: Gotta Keep your head up. By: Andy Grammer.
It’s only been one month since I accepted and announced about this new venture that God is calling me too, and it feels like it has flown by. Within one week of sending out my support letters, I have seen provision flooding in and so much love and support from people I know and those I don’t know at all. While it has been exciting, it has also been a whirlwind of emotions. I feel like the enemy is coming at me in every direction he knows how, to distract me and steal my joy. I know that it is truly because he hates my life and doesn’t want what God is about to do through my life to unfold. But if I am being honest and real, it has been stressful and hard. For me, it has nothing to do with being concerned on the finances for the trip and how God is going to provide $18,000 in a short 8 months. It has everything to do with the people I love and care for deeply, desires of my heart, decisions to be made and poor decisions that I’ve already made.
I have felt distant from God, not worthy enough to go on this trip and felt like I have been wandering around without any direction or understanding of why I am where I am right now. What I truly love about God, is no matter how I “feel” at any given moment, it doesn’t define who God is or change how he feels about me. It doesn’t change the fact that I am made to do this, and He sees me for who I am even when I can’t see me at all.
One morning this week, I journaled like 5 pages to God just vomiting how I feel and how I desperately need him to speak to my heart. God so perfect in his timing, spoke to me through a Loop devo exactly what I needed to hear. The scripture was 1 Peter 1:8 and the devo said a lot but here is what I took away. “Desire, yearning, awakening to passion, awakening to beginning…each occurs when you can let yourself see glimpses of the beauty of you I see. Oh, my daughter, I see you. I like what I see. When I thought of you, I knew who you’d be, this day. I knew the story, and the unfolding, and the journey and how it has been hard. I’m sorry it has been hard, but trust that I don’t leave you here, in a place of desolation, in a place where it is only desert. I don’t leave you here to wander forever. I come and rescue, and lead you with my right hand holding you fast. I do not forsake you or refuse healing or turn away when a hand is outstretched. I turn when a full heart, desperate for me, seeks healing and cries out for restoration.”
My most favorite part was that God sees me and he knows it has been hard, and is with me through all the unfolding of my life. This season, like every season I am going to be stretched in more ways than I can imagine. There are days that will be amazing, and days that will be really hard. I pray that as I go through this journey, you will see more of who God is not just in my life but in your life, as well. The very relationship and encounters I have with God, is exactly what He truly desires for each and every one of you reading this blog right now. We have been made to walk with God, trust him to be our everything and to experience the love, grace and freedom that He desires for us. We can keep our head up when it’s hard, because God is with us and for us.
Maybe just take a moment and let God speak to your heart…And Keep your head up! Love you!
