A year ago today I wrote a blog titled “A Chapter of the Story”. My anxious self typed up a part of my testimony but not eagerly. I did not want to share such a vulnerable part of my story, but God told me, “your story is meant to bring people to Me.” How could I keep people from such a gift? Before, I could not share my testimony simply because I could not see God within it. But He was slowly revealing to me where he was in the midst of these trials I faced. So today, I am here to share with you the Next Chapter of the Story because my story is not my own.
I was only twenty years old when I walked on that plane for Southeast Asia. It was midnight in Northern California. My sleepy eyes gazed to the window to see darkness and rain drops slowly rolling down the glass. Thunder roared as I got up out of my seat to board the airplane. This was it. I was leaving the United States for the next 9 months of my life. My life had never felt more unknown then in that moment. My head was racing with thoughts of the future. Within the next 24 hours, I would wake up drenched in sweat in a little country called Cambodia. But my worries were not set on the discomforts of living in a new place. Rather, I expected for God to change me in an instant. I was ready for a 1 week transformation but this was not the case at all.
Months 1 and 2 I lived in the battle field. I had just left the states with baggage. Bags full of depression, low self-esteem, and doubts of Gods faithfulness. I was suffocating myself with all the weight I was carrying. I would battle daily between sitting in my mess or giving it up to God. I chose to sit there. I put on a mask, I told myself lies, and simply went on with my new life. But I knew that I was longing for something more. The thing is, no one can take you there. God has to show up and you have to choose to follow Him! I tried, but never hard enough. I did not believe that God could save me from myself. Instead, I was believing all of the lies Satan was telling me and honestly, he was winning. I started to question why I left the United States in the first place. I wanted nothing more than to escape the Cambodian heat. I let the first two months pass me by.
On an early November day, we walked onto a double decker bus and journeyed back across the world. After layovers in 5 countries, I arrived in the beautiful land of Honduras. It was now month 3 and I was sure the Race was never coming to an end. I sat there in a hammock overlooking the Tegucigalpa mountain range. It was a breath of fresh air. This month was going to be exactly what I needed, but I was thrown into a concrete box with 5 other girls that I soon realized I did not know and wasn’t sure I even wanted to know them. It was the holidays, so family or not, we had to choose each other. During this time I struggled with thoughts of leaving the race. I even told a friend back home that I don’t think I’m supposed to go to Africa. What if I just don’t get the funds?
But these were LIES. This was Satan at work.
Those 2 months was a lot of crying out to God to rescue me. I finally started to loosen my grip and allow Him to take the reigns. He led me to Hebrews 11. Faith. I just needed to have a little faith. So I decided to trade my doubts for faith.
Faith took me to my next country. Guatemala. This was where the testing began. I sat in an open field with a sky full of stars. My insides felt absolutely twisted. I was sobbing because I realized just how big God was. That night I whole heartedly committed to obediently surrendering to him daily. I gave up parts that I held onto for years. I lost friends, a boyfriend, and most importantly the old Abby. God stripped me of myself. I took a trip to the wilderness. I argued with God nights, but I knew He was faithful. I had seen it first hand in my own life. So, I fought the good fight. I failed at times but I also endured. My strength, my identity, my purpose all started to make since. It was all in Him! It was all because of HIM!!! He prepared me for what was going to be the hardest yet most fruitful months of the end of my World Race experience.
AFRICA.
Ethiopia was going to be filled with so many new possibilities, and boy did God do extraordinary works in those 3 months. Before we left Guatemala, we were told that we would be together as a squad again and that we would be working at an orphanage in the middle of who knows where. That is, until we arrived in Ethiopia. The night before, our ministry fell through and was now unknown. We stayed in a guest house for the first few days as the AIM logistic team worked to find us a new ministry. They came across a man named Gadisa Birhanu. Gadisa has a powerful testimony that has brought people to Christ. His story includes poverty, loss, and perseverance. At a young age he made his home the streets. For the next 18 years of his life he would fight to earn a spot in this world. During his trials He did not know God but God knew Him. He would live on the streets by day but attend school/work during the evening to become a social worker. That is until, by the perfect timing of God, he bumped into a man who ran a ministry for homeless children who lived out in the bush of Ethiopia. Gadisa told him his testimony and shortly after he started working for the mission organization called HOPEthiopia. After a few years Gadisa left to start his own ministry for street kids called Testimony 25:40. Where he helps children by giving them food, a place to stay, and most importantly a family. Of course there is far more in his testimony and I wish he could tell you all his story personally.
One of the most significant experiences I encountered in Ethiopia was our ministry at a Muslim refugee camp. I was introduced to a new level of poverty. They had next to nothing but acted as though they had it all. The children at the camp revealed to me just how glorious our Father is.
While working along side Gadisa, I began to realize the power of testimonies. Specifically, the power of my own testimony- how God had moved in my life over the race and how he had been faithful and present through my entire testimony. Looking back from Africa to Cambodia, the work that God did in my heart astounds me. I now carry a joy that flows from the spirit. I am firm in daughter hood and can rest in the promises my Father has spoken over me. I am more confident as a leader and not afraid to be bold or vulnerable. These are things that I never thought I would be able to say for myself.
On a larger scale, being able to spend time with the refugee kids and families almost everyday reminded me of how God took my broken heart and mended it. A big part of my story is that God walked me through being a refugee in my own world. In my past, I tried to escape my depression, but had come up short. Yet God instilled endurance in me. He gave me joy when I felt as though I had nothing. He was my ultimate provider even when I felt as though I had nothing to give Him. He took me from the furthest corners of this world to use me and that’s what He does-He uses us for His glory!
That drug addiction you have, he is going to use it for HIS GLORY. That sex addiction you have, yup he is going to use that to bring people to him. Your struggle with self harm, it is going to reveal God’s faithfulness. Your pride and selfish acts, they are going to show how merciful God is. That is IF you let Him take you into the unknown. If you obey. If you surrender. If you simply let go of yourself. God can do amazing things in your life if you simply allow Him too. My testimony is no where near beautiful, but the ending certainly is. He took my addictions, my struggles, my baggage. He looked me in the eyes and said you are worth dying for! He wants you for all the mess that you are. So I want to leave you all with this final question:
“will you defend today what Jesus died to destroy?” -Paul Tripp
