It’s a really funny experience to come back home after sharing all the stories, visiting all the countries, and seeing God in radically new ways.
People will often ask me about these stories. It’s such a joy to share what God has done and what He’s still doing. But I’ve noticed something that happens many times after sharing with people. I’ve seen people put me on a “pedestal” and treat me like I’m some kind of a “super follower”.
There’s a quote I’ve heard that I’d love to share on this subject. I may put it into my own words a little, but it goes something like this:
“We struggle with comparison because we compare other people’s highlight reels with our behind the scenes.”
And it’s SO TRUE that I’ve struggled with comparison and been so hard on myself by comparing my failures with other people’s best.
With all that in mind, I’ve had to question something in this season: Have I been open with people about my failures? Is this why I feel as though people put me on this “pedistal”?
I think this lifestyle and environment has been a breeding ground to share all the incredible, but it’s very rare that I publicly get asked about the struggles. But ultimately and honestly, I haven’t been great about sharing the wrestling matches that I’ve had with the Father.
One of the hardest and best lessons I’ve learned over this journey is this:
Failure is painfully beautiful.
Failure is so beautiful because it humbles the gifts we carry so that they are usable again. It brings us back to community, relateability, and to uncomfortablility.
Without failure, we would be comfortable, unrelatable, and isolated. Comfortable people aren’t growing, unrelatable people can’t multiply, and isolation blinds us to the Truth.
So with that in mind. I want to practice being open with some of my recent failures.
I love travel days, because there’s so many people who get trapped for a long period of time in small spaces who need to hear the Lord. I was just on my way out to Georgia and I felt Holy Spirit highlighting a girl who was using crutches. I usually would have no problem approaching her and asking if I could pray for her. Well, she was a part of a middle/highschool traveling basketball team. I let the enemy convince me not to do it because I’d be seen as this creepy guy approaching a group of young girls. Which, yes, you have to have discernment, but Holy Spirit was guiding me there, and I missed that opportunity.
The other day I was in a grocery store and I saw a family buying flowers. I felt Holy Spirit ask me to talk to them. So I pushed past the social fear and went, opened up conversation, and begun to ask questions. We talked for a while and then I felt led to ask them if I could pray for them. I hesitated, let fear take over, said goodbye, and didn’t pray for them in that moment.
As I was at leader training a week ago, I’ve let my guard down a couple times and the enemies voice became louder than the Father’s. Talking about leadership sometimes makes me revisit old situations where I failed as a leader. Seasons where I let my position become my identity instead of who I am in Christ.
The other day I sat with a team and totally misunderstood what someone was saying. But Instead of asking for clarity, I continued to give “advice” that was actually hurtful and led to this person feeling very misunderstood.
I was talking with someone recently and I let my guard down and just started to speak everything I was thinking. While I was outwardly processing (not how I usually process), I said something that really hurt the person I was talking with. I felt it was a bad moment, but I didn’t ask or clarify what/how that person felt. I valued information being presented rather than considering who I was talking to. It wasn’t until a while later when this person called me did I realize the hurt that I had caused and the relationship that I had damaged.
Sometimes we have to laugh when we mess up. Last month when I was in Indonesia. I met a guy and wanted to get to know him. His name was Ketut. As we talked I totally blanked his name and recalled another word in Indonesian which was close. “Kentut” is what I called him. This was a word that I learned the last time I was in Indonesia. It means fart. I totally called a local guy “fart” instead of his name… Close but no cigar!
Each one of these situations had the potential for me to walk in wounding and comparison. But they also, if I let them, each had the potential for me to walk in thankfulness, healing, and repentance.
In the end, I have to be thankful for my failures. Because ultimately if I’m not, I’m holding onto unforgiveness for myself. Unforgiveness keeps us from healing and freedom.
The alternative is so much better!
Do you truly believe that “all things work for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose.”!?
Why not your failures?
If I forgive myself, let myself learn, grow, heal, and share these failures, I can live Free and Victorious.
Free and Victorious people don’t need to compare themselves, none the less their highlight reels or failures. They share their failures openly so that they can be humbled, rebuked, and walk in repentance. They run toward uncomfortably, community, and relatability instead of taking the easy way out.
I want to challenge myself to walk further and deeper in this way, not only with those around me, but also with my support back home. So look out for this in the future 🙂 .
Is there failure in your life that you’ve been holding into?
Why is this experience so painful to look back on?
Have you ever shared this with anyone?
Have you asked the Lord what He thinks of this situation?
What Truth is He speaking?
What course of action do you need to take to be Free and Victorious?
Don’t let failure let you become a victim. Let failure produce new endurance, character, perseverance, and hope in your life.
I also want to encourage you to listen to this song by Pat Barrett. Lots of life in this!
Hey I’m still about $3,800 away from meeting what I need to raise for these next 5 months. If you want to partner with me, please hit that donate button! I’ll also put you into my page where I share all of the details that I cannot post publicly. It’s such an honor to be able to do what I do, and this is not possible without all of you who have supported me these past two and a half years. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
