“Spirit Lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder”
Wow, every time I sing this song, this verse just gets me. How powerful these words are! They hit deep. Worship isn’t just about singing to sing, but it is about worshiping God, the one who created us, the one who wrote our story in his book even before it began. These words should not be taken lightly, but sang with meaning!
This verse especially sticks out to me, that very first line…lead me where my trust is without borders. Oh, how I desire to have trust like that to lean on the Lord for everything and trust that He is going to take care of me whole heartedly, but the reality is that their is always a little doubt that kicks in. The little part of me that says, well how is that going to happen, how is the Lord going to bring that to fruition, but you know what he always does. He always provides for me and shows up, even when I have that little bit of doubt.
Here I am, a believer, who went out travelling to spread the Gospel throughout many different nations, proclaiming that the Lord is going to provide and here I am having doubts. My trust is falling through. How is that possible? How do I have trust issues with the one person who knows every part of my story and even the parts to come?
I have seen the Lord provide over and over. I have seen Him work miracles right before my eyes. I have seen and heard stories of transformation. He is at work and I can see it, but why can’t my trust be without borders? Why do I still have doubt in the ways the Lord is going to use me? Why do I doubt the ways he is going to provide for me?
These are the questions I have been through, because when I sing this song, I want Him to take me where my trust is without borders. I want him to take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.
But…
What I have come to realize about myself is I am slow to trust people. My relationships are built slowly and it takes me a long time to fully trust the people I am around. It takes me a while to fully open up to people, and once that trust is broken, it is hard to build back up, it is hard to trust the people that have hurt you before, but the Lord has never hurt me. He has been there always, so why does this trust issue and fear affect my relationship with the Lord?
From what I have experienced, your experiences with the people around you, your relationships, the way you were raised all affect how you see the Lord. For example if you have never felt loved fully by the people in your life, then it is harder for you to believe that God loves you just the way you are, because you are his child. It is the same with this situation, my trust issues with people and the ways I view myself have reflected in my relationship with God.
You see I trust that the Lord will provide for you. I trust that the Lord will transform your life. I have full trust in the Lord when it comes to others, but when it comes to my life, that is a different story. The enemy takes hold and that fear creeps in. Why would he provide the money to finish out the race. You have never experienced what she has, how are you going to speak into that? You are just travelling, people don’t want to pay for that. You aren’t a leader, you still don’t have everything together how do you expect to lead these people. The lies go on. It is a constant battle.
So..
When the Lord called me back out to the field one year ago, when I finally committed to filling out that application, he told me to trust him. Trust him with my next steps, with my future. He asked me if I trusted what he had planned for my life. Did I trust that his plans were better than mine? I wanted to trust him, but I was so scared. What if I was hearing wrong? The Lord is so good though, he used 4 other people to confirm what he was telling me. He used people in my life that I trusted to confirm that the Lord was calling me out. He didn’t want the enemy holding me back! He is good, good father and provides for us always.
He shows up always and I always have to remind myself of that. My trust with Him grows daily, but in order to fully trust him, I have to let go of the fears and not let the enemy take hold. He has no hold on me, Jesus already won that battle.
So, here I am so desperately wanting a trust without borders, but I have to continually pray away the fear and doubt. I have to continually surrender my fears to the Lord and my relationships, because in the end the only thing that matters is where I stand with the Lord. This is something that doesn’t happen over night. There is grace and the Lord knows my heart. He will provide for my every need and he is the ONLY thing I need.
Trust is a hard thing, and I am only human. I mess up sometimes, but I am grateful that there is grace and forgiveness. I am also grateful that no mess up or doubt will ever keep God from loving me.
So, Lead me where my trust is without borders Lord! Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. For a life with you is greater than I could ever imagine.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6
For we live by faith, not by sight.-2 Corinthians 5:7
Where in your life has your relationships reflected your relationship with the Lord? Do you trust him with your life? If he told you to go, would you? if He told you to stay, would you? What do you struggle with? Do you have doubt? How can I be praying for you? Leave a comment or message me and let me know!
