Last month my whole squad operated in a second all-squad month in Ndola, Zambia. We left Europe, came to another continent, were assigned to new teams, and changed countries all in one big swoop. Before Africa, we had a few days for debrief in Sofia, Bulgaria. It was nice and a good time to just chill and relax, but all that came next hit me like a ton of bricks.
During one of our night sessions in Bulgaria I felt like the Lord was telling me that I needed more of Him. So I asked for more. More. More. But I never felt like it came. I begged to feel the Holy Spirit moving through me, but it never happened. I was frustrated, broken hearted and confused all at the same time. Here I was pleading with God to feel Him moving through me and it never came.
As I continued in prayer that night I felt God telling me that my priorities were no longer in order. I was excited for Africa, but I was ready to be home. And God said I should be excited to go home, but ready for Africa. Through that I realized that I couldn’t call home as often as I had been calling. I was used to calling home every chance I got which had never been an issue until now. Before, I could call home all the time, but I was still focused and engulfed in what I was doing on the mission field. This time that just simply wasn’t the case. No one at home had done anything wrong, but I knew that God was asking me to limit my contact with home to 1 day a week.
So I told my family that I would only be calling home 1 day a week from now until I felt like God would allow me to more. This was by far the hardest decision I had to make and it was the toughest time for me to act in obedience to what God was telling me to do, but I trust My Lord and where He leads I desperately desire to follow.
Once we got to Zambia we found out that we would not have any wifi for the month. My stress level began to rise. In that moment I was so upset because I had already agreed to calling home once a week, but now God was taking them away from me for an entire month all together. I didn’t know how I was going to cope with that.
Before I left Bulgaria, I decided I was going to study the book of John from the bible so I began finding that as my comfort. Each day I felt like God was telling me, “Danielle, everything is going to be fine. Keep seeking me.” As the days went on I began to crave finding out what the Lord wanted to tell me next. I read my bible all the time, but this time it was different. Throughout the month I began to not only understand the word more, but I also started to see and feel Holy Spirit more and more.
There was a point in the month where we had gone to town for the day. It was a long day and we were all exhausted. But I tried to seek out all the good and list them off:
-We picked out beautiful African fabrics for our own tailor made dresses and shirts.
-We had gone to an international soccer game (Zambia vs. Kenya) the day before.
-I had an awesome chocolate milkshake that hit the spot.
-I was blessed with the opportunity to get 20 minutes of wifi to call home and see those I love the most.
-During that time of wifi I also got an email for a job offer once I get back home. God ALWAYS provides!
The list could continue for days. I realized that not only had I began to see and hear Holy Spirit more, I also started to have different reactions during times that seemed rough. We came home that night and had an awesome dinner. Unfortunately that whole day my bad ankle was feeling weak and I could tell that it was a matter of time before it gave out.
Sure enough, once we got home, all I had to do was step down a large step and there it went. I landed right on the bone and I could tell I really messed it up. No one was around and as I finally got up, our host began to walk toward me. I tried telling her I needed help. I was feeling faint and grabbed onto her as I was falling to the ground. In no time she was taking care of me along with a large number of my squad mates. They tried to keep my mind off of things, but to be honest I was in a place of thankfulness. Yes, my ankle was in a bad condition. Yes, I was in a lot of pain. And yes, I was in tears because my body wasn’t in once piece at that moment, but still I couldn’t help but thank God for allowing it to happen at home.
I was thankful that it didn’t give out on me in town. I was thankful because I was laying in the perfect spot on the ground to see how beautiful the moon looked between the silhouette of the trees. I was thankful because I wasn’t alone in that moment, but instead was surrounded by more love and care than I could have asked for.
As I processed through all that had happened, I realized that I was getting what I had asked for. Holy Spirit was giving me a different pair of eyes. God was beginning to show me exactly why He needed my full attention. My perspective on certain things was changing and it was all because God had all my focus now. Not home, not friends, not family and not even my squad. But God.
Sometimes to be obedient in the Lord means you have to give up things without understanding why. Do I still love my family and miss them like crazy? YES. Always. I take pride in where I come from and who I am. But I am also in a place where I can step away from them to focus solely on Holy Spirit and what He is telling me.
If you were to ask me where I found the Holy Spirit most on the World Race, I would say Zambia. I asked and I received and now I pray that it continues for the rest of my life. Our God is a good, good father and He wants us to know Him more. We just have to ask and know that it may not come in the form we are thinking, but if we are obedient, everything will be so much better than ever expected. God wants us to have it all. Don’t be afraid to ask and don’t be afraid to obey.
-Danielle
