A few years back I discovered Lush, an all natural handmade cosmetic company, that is hands down an awesome company. (they should pay me right?) As I looked into some of their products and fell in love with these things called solid shampoo bars. It is just what it sounds like, it looks like a bar of soap but it is for your hair. They last for up to 80 washes and with no packaging they are a very green product. Because I was traveling a lot then, I got a few and started putting them to good use. They were great! They cleaned my hair just as good as any other shampoo and it was all natural. So for the past year or so I have only used lush products for my hair.
When it came time to conjure up my packing list for the race, it was a no brainer for my shampoo. It is solid so I will not have to worry about leaking over my bag, it lasted forever so I only need 2 or 3 for the whole race, and I can get different ones to change it up every once and awhile. No brainer! For future racers look in them it is worth it.
Top of the list, mind was set. No turning back!
I walked into the small retail store and my nose was filled with the different scents that you could imagine any soap shop would have. I looked over the fresh soaps and face cleansers and even the lotions that are made with oils I still have no clue how to pronounce. I made my way to the back of the store and found the treasured shelf with all the different types of shampoo bars.
I pick up a few and gave it a sniff as I read the sign telling what each was made of and what is was good for. I picked out the three that would work the best for me while on the race and began to roam around the store once more.
I could feel an anxiety building up. I felt a lump in my throat growing larger as I choked back tears. All over shampoo? What the heck? What is happening to me?
Then something started to rip the inside of me out. There was this little voice in my head saying you not even funded. You have not even made you next deadline. You never will meet your deadline. Your not good enough for the race. I do not even know how they ever saw you as a leader. You will never make it. Your not cut out for this!
YOUR NOT GOING ON THE RACE!
And for a moment I believed it. (gasp)
This was not anything new, but it just had reached its point. I have been fighting doubt sense coming back from training camp. Was I good enough for this? Was I really called by God to do this? How will I ever raise the money? Will I even get to launch? Am I the right
person to lead my team?
I paced around the store a few more times and even headed over to put the bars back on the shelf. Then the Holy Spirit spoke to me and reminded me of a saying I once heard from a missionary.
I remember how I set in a hotel lobby just learning about the race and how my heart was overflowing with joy and passion as I read blogs after blog of the current racers. I remembered the times I set with my pap as he clearly show me his path for me. I remembered the hours I set researching different types of tents, sleeping pads, sleeping bags, backpacks, packing list after packing list to be prepared for what ever the world through at me. I remembered the three jobs, late nights and early mornings working and saving money to help fund this trip. I remembered all the gear I had already purchased. I remembered the people who supported me already, the way God had already changed me. I remembered my team and who God has called me to be for them. I remembered all the seeds I had sown into this.
I decided right then in the Lush shop, I was not going to let doubt stop me from going on this trip nor stop me from preparing for it. I held my three bars of shampoo and waltzed up to the counter and even got to share with the cashier about the race. (and gave her my card)
I know God has something really big in store for me, simply because how hard it has been for me in this season before the race.
In the days before my second deadline, I need your help. Just as I am not giving up on what God has called me to do, I ask that you support me in this journey and plant a seed of faith. We can not all go out and help change the whole world but we can help the ones who do.
