I don’t know about you but this whole living by the Spirit thing is pushing me to my limits sometimes. There are moments I feel like that I will never be able to beat the junk that is still trying to control me and beat me down. There are moments I just wanna throw in the towel and walk the other way.
As I am digging into Gods Truth, tears streaming down my face, I am reminded that the only way to ever live this earthly life will be through the Grace of God and His strength. Apart from God I can do nothing. Everything good inside of me comes from Him.
As I get closer to the World Race launch deadline my insecurities, fears and my personal lack of grace have gotten the best of me. I catch myself glancing at my teammates fundraising accomplishments, filled with jealousy and fear. I compare myself to others on facebook and satan tells me I am not good enough. I build up walls, believing the enemies lies.Whenever my flesh gets the best of me, my mind is filled with old thinking patterns and thoughts.
It is time to saturate my mind with Gods Truth.
“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others better than yourselves.”
Phillipians 2:3
“But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.”
James 3:14-16
Sometimes I seem to forget that this fight is spiritual. I cannot fight demons and darkness with my own strength. I cannot die to my old, dark, destructive behavior until I realize that Jesus has already done it all. Only with Holy Spirit power will I be able to destroy my insecurities and jealousy.
Proverbs 14:30 reminds me of the cancerous power jealousy can have in my life. ” A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.”
Jealousy destroys relationships, friendships, marriages, families and it can even lead to murder. The human heart is the most deceitful of all things ( Jeremiah 9:17 ) .
I refuse to let that bad fruit grow any further. Once again tears are streaming down my face and I am reminded of God’s unending Grace and patience. I can ask for forgiveness, thank Him for His Truth and be reminded that I am clay in His hands. He is the potter and one day I will get to experience the finished and perfect art piece, shamed and molded by unending Love and Grace!
” But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness. “
James 3:17-18
Love
Jen
