Fun fact: I love The Parent Trap!
I love the 1991, L.O.V.E., made you think
Lindsey Lohan was really a twin, Parent Trap.
I can, unashamedly, quote the ENTIRE movie.
There is a scene where the girls have switched places and are both headed to live with their other parent… the parent they’ve never met. As Hallie sits on a plane headed to London she mumbles to herself “Please like me. Please like me. Pleaseee like me.”
As I sat on a plane to Atlanta for training camp (TC), I found myself in the same situation as Hallie. I was about to meet the 36 people I would spend the next year with and I couldn’t help but pray that I was well liked among the group. I started thinking about all the things that could possibly go wrong and all the reasons they wouldn’t like me. After all, I was the girl that was going to show up to TC having never set up my tent before… (yeah, that happened). They would automatically know how unprepared and unqualified I was to do the Race. I contemplated asking one of the 45 boy scouts that surrounded me on the plane if they had any tips for setting up a tent but then decided I would rather not be laughed at by a bunch of ten year old boys.
Once I was finally united with my squad at the airport I was immediately overwhelmed. I didn’t know who to talk to or what I would even say if I found someone to talk to. There were so many conversations and card games happening. This is also where my team fell in love with idea of “chanting”. I sat quietly to myself and observed the group, taking it all in, pretending to be interested in the game of spoons that I got roped into. A girl sat next to me and I politely said hello but I got quiet again because I could tell she was doing the same sort of observation. We eventually loaded a bus and headed to TC to meet the rest of our squad and begin what would become one of the hardest weeks of my life.
…
I’ll be honest, the first few days of training camp were not my favorite. I didn’t connect with anyone right away, I was hot, I didn’t want to wait in an hour long line for a bucket shower, I was covered in red clay, and I was tired. I was frustrated with God because I didn’t feel like I belonged and I started to second guess my calling to the Race. I laid in my tent night two and told myself that if I could just get through these ten days that I could go home and put this whole race thing behind me. I thought of how I was going to tell my family, friends, and supporters that I wasn’t going on the race. I thought of all the disappointment I would cause to those that have believed in me and supported me.
I don’t know what happened but day three was different. People started to feel more comfortable and started talking to one another about more than their home town, or university, or family. People started to tell their stories and how they ended up where they are today. People started being REAL. I heard people share their crap and be honest about the things in their life they had gone through. This vulnerability was encouraging and motivated me to let down the walls I had put up and begin to open up to people as well. I still had doubts of being liked and accepted but at this point I had already accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to do the race so I had nothing to lose by being honest with people I would never see again. Right?
The more I opened up to others, the more they challenged me. These people I had just met asked difficult questions. They were questions that I didn’t necessarily want to answer. Questions that brought up a lot of hurt and shame I had pushed down deep.
But it was in these moments with my squad that I found healing from those very things that were dug up through hard questioning.
It was in these moments that God softened my heart and confirmed my calling to the World Race.
This type of community was something I had never experienced before. I felt free to share things and not be judged or condemned. I felt free to laugh and dance during worship. I felt free to be completely me- no masks, fake stories to impress anyone, no fear of rejection. I have never been loved by a group of people so deeply, so quickly.
I could tell you about the rainy nights, port a potties, worship sessions, crickets, dance parties, team formations, and christmas carols. I could tell you all the scriptures used by speakers and truth I found through those sermons. I could tell you about writing and preaching a sermon of my own. Actually, I could go on for days talking about TC. But I won’t. Instead, I’d rather tell you some of the words of encouragement that my squad and team mates spoke over me. These simple phrases, conversations, and prayers transformed me. All the doubts in my head- gone. All the negative comments about myself that I told myself on the plane-gone. All the fear of begin the only one to struggle with something-gone. These simple phrases brought me more joy and peace than I’ve felt in a long time:
You are loved
You bring peace
Your story matters
Me too
You are chosen
You bring Joy
You are stronger than you know
You are wonderfully made
You are a leader
Your voice is soothing
Pandaaaa
You remind me of…
Thank you for thinking of me
Your opinion matters
You encourage me
This team would not be the same with out you
I love you.
…
My ten days at TC was filled with excitement, anticipation, challenges, laughter, snores, singing, sweat, joy, and love. I would not trade those days with those people for anything in the world. On our last day together my squad sat together and sang L.O.V.E. That’s when I knew I was in the right place. For me, that’s when my TC story came full circle. Just like the girls in The Parent Trap, I got my happy ending- a family. A unique group of people with a unique set of stories. M squad is our own little family.
I left TC with a completely different mindset than I came with. Those thoughts I was having on the plane were all negative. I was allowing myself tOn the way home I was filled with positive and encouraging thoughts. This transformation of my mind and the way I see myself has radically changed the way I see God. I now feel ten times more prepared and excited to embrace this next season of life with the Lord.
…
You’ll be happy to know that I eventually learned to set up my tent (shoutout to Bliz for that one). That girl that sat beside me in the airport- her name is Abby. She is my Penguin and we have been placed on a team together for the first leg of the race. I finally waited in line for that bucket shower (more than once I might add!). And yes, I did watch The Parent Trap once I got home!
I would love to tell you more about my experience at camp. Please feel free to reach out to me and we can find a time to chat!
My next financial dead line is approaching in roughly 3 weeks and I am still in need of $2000 to reach this goal. Please prayerfully consider anyway that you can support me!
In his love,
Ash
