I’ve only been on the race for two weeks and already I have struggled with severe homesickness. Already God has begun to change me and reveal things to me about myself that I didn’t even realize were there. And already the enemy has come at me full force to tempt me to quit and go home.
I missed my family like crazy, and I missed my friends. The enemy was feeding me lies that I didn’t belong here. I heard thoughts like “you’re an outcast here… you’re not needed here… you don't fit in with your squad…they don't even notice you. You should just go home." I began retreating into myself…and slowly isolating myself without even realizing what I was doing.
One night one of my squad leaders pointed out to me how I was posturing myself and sitting so far away from the rest of my teammates, and his specific words were, “Naomi, you are NOT an outcast." And that I needed to be more intentional about reaching out to my squadmates and making sure I'm including myself. Somewhere in my life I had developed this habit of retreating away from others and acting standoffish (especially when I was dealing with a personal issue.) It was such a revelation, because in those moments when I’d find myself retreating, the enemy would take advantage of this weakness of mine and whisper lies to me, making me feel even more alone.
So I had started fantasizing about going home and forgetting about how God lead me to go on this journey in the first place… I poured my heart out to God one afternoon about how I wanted to quit and immediately afterwards I checked my facebook and this is what I saw: 
God’s voice could not have been more clear… DON’T QUIT!!
The next day we visited this school for junior high kids and during recess I noticed a boy standing by himself. 
I felt a small urge to go talk to him, but I hesitated, and then the bell rang signaling that recess was over. My team leader pointed out that night that there is a reason I notice the underdogs, the outcast. I then knew that God had caused me to notice that kid, and I know based on my own experiences that He has given me special authority to defend and minister to the outcasts and underdogs of this world. What that will look like I don’t quite know yet…but I know God is revealing a purpose and ministry just for me, and when it’s time He’ll show me. Whatever it is, I know it must be freakin' powerful…why else would the enemy be so determined to convince me to quit the race so early on?? He’s obviously threatened by me and what God can and will do through me this year and the years to come.
So I say, SATAN, I REFUSE to go home early. I am SO ready to fight for the outcasts. And the next time I see a kid sitting by themselves, I won't hesitate to go talk to them.
God often ministers to me through music and often gives me a song to encourage me.. the following song is one of such. I've had to surrender many desires of mine to follow after God… it isn't always easy but one thing I know, is that God has never failed me. And these moments when I feel like I don't have what it takes to keep going and I just wanna quit and go home… I press into His strength and it's through Him that I am empowered to keep fighting the good fight.
