Before I even begin, I want to let you know that this blog is extremely vulnerable for me (not something I like), and I have not posted in so long because I have been putting off this post. I am completely ready to share it now though and my heart is open wide to show off how great God really is.
If I had to sum up who I was and how I was living in High School in one word, I would have to say opaque. I was not living a transparent life. The smile was fake and all of my relationships were flimsy to say the least. My identity was wrapped up in my successes and the things that were happening to me. As soon as that was not enough, I began turning towards sins and leading a life of giving into my temptations because for a fleeting moment it felt better to forget about the pain of the past. Which brings us to two and half years ago, freshman year of college…
At this point I was completely lost more than ever before, at rock bottom. I was disgusted every time I looked in the mirror. I hated myself and not just the way I looked. I hated me. Why me? I felt worthless. As hard as it is to tell you that, I think it is essential to tell you this. I looked strong on the outside but I felt like I was dying on the inside. I was completely empty and no thing was enough to fill the gaping hole in my heart.
My testimony of how I found my way back to Jesus starts in the pit, in a hospital room. I had been admitted for the state of my mental health. Depression. Anxiety. About 12 hours after getting checked in, I found myself on my knees doing the one thing I had not done. I cried out to my Heavenly Father. I gave up all control. I surrendered to be free in Christ. I desperately needed my Savior and He met me in the dark, lifted my chin towards Him to see the light. He began to heal my heart, rushing in with His unconditional love.
Ephesians 3:10 says, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago” (NLT).
God created some of the most beautiful things like sunsets and puppies yet calls me the masterpiece? What? That is crazy! That just shows how vast His love for us is. You know what? I am His masterpiece. I am the daughter of the most high King. I am beloved. Guess what else? SO ARE YOU! You are unique and God has His own plans for you. You are a masterpiece. You are the daughter or son of the most high King. You are beloved. If there is one thing you take away from this I pray that it is knowing just how much God loves you.
Now I would love to sit here and tell you that it has been rainbows and glitter since that moment but in truth it has been really hard. God never said it would be easy.
I have experienced the death of a grandparent, leaving college without knowing what I was supposed to do, hard family struggles and more. The difference is I am not trying to supply my own strength. I can trust in God because He will never fail me. He would never call me to go without providing for my every need. I would be nowhere without the grace and mercy of my loving Heavenly Father. God has shown me what REAL, TRUE, CHRIST-CENTERED relationships look like, what freedom feels like, what it means to love who I am because of who Jesus is, and what it means to walk with Him all my life.
Now all of this is totally part of my story, but how great is it that it is not my ONLY story. God is living in me and the greatest part is that I am living out what He has planned. He is turning pain into perseverance. I am no longer a victim because He has already won the victory. Honestly, that is the reason why I am going on the race. I want to shout it from the rooftops of how great His love is. GOD LOVES ME AND HE LOVES YOU TOO! God is calling. I am ready to listen and am so excited to see where our journey together is headed!!!
UPDATE: So I will now be leaving in AUGUST 2018! God is teaching me to be patient in this season of my life because it is in HIS TIMING and not my own. I will also be posting a blog once every two weeks until I leave to prepare for the WorldRace. I am currently looking for people willing to donate monthly now until I leave. If I get 30 people to partner with me at $50 a month until August, I would be fully funded when I leave!! If you would like to be one of the 30 or would like to give some other amount a month it would be so appreciated. I cannot do this alone! The cost covers lodging, travel and food for the entire 11 months I will be on the race. Also, prayer is so powerful and so needed! So please join me in praying for guidance, financial goals to be met, and for my squad as we begin to become a community! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU for letting me be vulnerable with you and opening your heart to let me write what God has wanted me to say for so long!
