Brokenness. Freedom. Filling. Equipping. Unity. Passion.
That was my week of training in a nutshell. Not to mention we all experienced the Holy Spirit in a way that none of us had ever known. Freedom, visions, prophecy, and truth were present each and every day.
I could write 20 blogs about community living, surprise camping trips, hiding in the mud during an underground church simulation, spitting water in each other’s faces, and the dance parties, but I want to share a story with you that completely sums up the transformation process that we all went through this week.
The cross walk. Surrendering our fears, weaknesses, temptations, desires, and abilities.
We were each given a log and a marker and then told to spend time with God. God would tell us what he wanted us to surrender to him before we go on this 11 month journey. We wrote these things on our logs. We wrote fears, tangible items, temptations, stumbling blocks, people, etc. My log was simple and to the point. God laid on my heart 6 things:
*My right to comfort
*Entitlement – to anything I feel entitled to (which I feel often actually)
*Seeking the good opinions of others
*A year with close friends, family, and my church families
*Dependence on my own strength – for too long I’ve been the little engine that could
*Comparison – comparing my self to others and finding my worth in that
For too long these things have given me my value. For too long I have let them dictate my attitude and actions. I find myself bound by them and struggling under the weight of them. As I wrote them down I felt peace wash through me. Soon they would no longer strangle me. I sensed God’s excitement as I prepared to give them up.
Awesome. But first I get to haul my log around the lake, up the hill and to the cross.
To start the hike, we took our logs and prayed with our world race team coaches. As Mike laid his hands on me, he received a word from God. “You have a spirit of evangelism deep in you. You’ve got this passion. You don’t even know that it’s there yet. Your words are going to speak life into people.” He continued to pray that my heart would be burdened for the unsaved – so much so that I will wake up at night with people on my mind and feel the need to pray for them right then and there.
Hold up.
I’m about to dump all my crap, and already God is ready to open up in me something new to take the place of the crap. But wait – in a way it makes sense. Yes, I have a passion for evangelism. That has been clear for quite awhile. My life verse is 2 Tim. 4:1-2 which commands us to be prepared in season and out of season to preach the gospel while being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. However, I have never considered myself one worthy or equipped of such a calling. Through Mike God confirmed that I am worthy and able. In fact, God just promised that I would do it.
Joy. Pure joy overcame me right then and there. I asked, “God, how do I unlock this spirit?”
A definite answer resounded within me. “Pray for my people.” Guatemala came to mind. I prayed. Africa came to mind. I prayed more. Faces – I saw distinct faces. I prayed. A favorite quote came to mind. “What you pray to possess will possess you.” (Ron Susek)
But wait – God wasn’t done yet. Along the trail I came to Dan. At first he didn’t say anything. Then he said, “I see you surrounded by kids. In all the nations. You are going to be full of love like that of Christ. Unconditional. You are going to take that love to the nations.” The night before Allison had the same prophecy. I walked away in awe and feeling wonderfully loved.
As I hiked up the mountain I marveled, yes marveled, at these things. The moment I was ready to release my flesh – those temptations, desires, and strongholds in my life – God immediately moved in to fill that space and he BLESSED! He gave me the TRUE desires of my heart once I was willing to give up the desires of my flesh.
My log flew through the air and landed at the bottom of the cross. I can’t express how ready I was to release those things that I had grasped onto for so long. God is good. So good. For so long he has been patiently waiting for me to let go so that he could move in.
