As many of you know, this week I went to World Race Training Camp. I was pretty clueless as to what would happen during this week, but knew that in some way or another I was going to be receiving “training.”
I had no idea the training was going to be as intense as it was. I went into this week with little to no excitement, a better word would be resentment towards the week. I have been wrestling with God about going on this trip for a while, but the struggle got really strong as I approached and began this week. I just kept asking God why He wanted me to do this. Why me? I mean there has to be some recently graduated college student that would want to go on a trip like this. I just turned 31…you sure you got the right Angela Marie God? (Fun Fact: There is another Angela Marie on my squad.) So, days 1, 2, and 3 were pretty unenjoyable for me. I didn’t talk much and I didn’t really enjoy being there. I despised sleeping outside in the many different places we had to sleep. Everyone was really nice and I even was able to meet a few people in the midst of my funk, but I was ready to go back home to my friends, family, church, and inside bed.
So on day 3 as I was reading my Bible in the middle of the day, I came across Jeremiah 29:11 that says, “11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Oh, okay God I get it. I have to trust that you know what you’re doing. Finally, I gave in. Like I was ever going to win a wrestling match with God anyway! I thought the rest of my week was going to be amazing.
That evening and the next day were great! We went camping as a team and had an amazing campfire. I slept in the woods without getting bit by anything and got the best sleep of the week. We did team formation activities the next day and they were fun and challenging. I started to talk to people more and have some fun. Then, as teams were about to be announced, I started to let the monster of selfishness creep in. I got upset that they didn’t choose me to be a leader and that I didn’t get to be on a team with the people I wanted. I cried about this (who was I? I don’t cry much at all and that was really out of character for me.) I heard God say, “you lead groups and are in leadership positions all the time, let someone else have a chance.” Okay God, I get it!
So, I left camp learning a lot of things from the speaker, knowing more logistics, and having experienced new foods and sleeping situations. But, I missed out on a lot of opportunities because I was so selfish. I really don’t think I realized this until I heard my pastor preach on the Me, Me, Me Mummy Mind Monster today at church. (Check it out Oasischurch.tv it’s good stuff.) I was not willing to lay aside what I wanted, to be able to get to know new people, let them get to know me, and begin building a community with them. I was not a good teammate. So, I may have not made the best of my week of training camp, and I learned my lessons a little harder than some, but I learned the lesson that I believe God wanted me to learn. This race is going to be hard! You are going to have to put yourself aside fully! You have to care more about other people than yourself! God is my father. He is gentle and loving, but firm. I hear Him say, "You are going on the World Race BECAUSE I SAID SO!!! You don't have to know everything else yet. It will come in time. Just trust me!"
Ok God. I will go because you said so, and I trust that you know what is best for me much more than I do.
