“I’m going home. I’m tired of being here. I am sick with quite an unlovely cold and I’m ready to crawl in my bed and make the decision of what I will do tomorrow. Choices are not quite in abundance around here, I often do not choose what I eat, or how much of it I eat, Where I sleep, or when I sleep, or how I spend my day. I have never felt so option-less. Truly, I am kind of tired of this. I can’t do it anymore- I don’t want to. I want to go home because I don’t feel like I am worth much to ministry here. I am not feeling like I am making a difference. I cry about this way too much, so at this point…It’s time to go.”
This is what I have been thinking most of the month of May, and then we arrived at the airport to go to the next country. We were going to be there all night so everyone laid out their things to sleep. I sat in a chair and right across from me, there she was. Suzi, a beautiful 76 year old Ecuadorian with smeared makeup on eyes that had clearly defined bags underneath them. She looked pretty tired, I was pretty tired and I was coughing a bit from my cold so we just ignored each other and continued watching the clock in hopes that it would give us some energy. She yawned quite loudly and I looked over and smiled as if to say “Oh yes, I know.” But she spoke first and said “sueno” which means tired. I told her I was tired too.
Now after that , I am not sure what bridged the gap between stranger and close confidant… but from there we talked all night. We talked about our families, we talked about traveling, we talked about the Lord. We ended up on the topic of loneliness as I shared with her my granola bar and fruit and she told me why she was there in that airport. She had accompanied a friend to the airport because her friend didn’t want to go alone but then she laughed and said “you know that means I’ll be alone now?” She would have to be at the airport all night until a bus came at 6am that would take her safely home.
“The taxi’s here aren’t safe at night” she said “especially alone.” And the bus she needed would not come again until morning. “ Now I am all alone here waiting” she told “but I’m used to it because I am always alone. My son left me to live with his new wife in Tennessee ten years ago. I have only seen him and my grandson two times in ten years. I would go visit them but they never invite me it would seem as if they’d prefer it if I didn’t come. So now, I live alone… well not alone , I live with my brother but he works so hard that when he is home he only likes to sleep. I try to keep in touch with friends to pass the days, but they all of have families of their own. It is especially hard around Christmas time when I’d like to be with family the most.”
I shared with her my experiences with loneliness and we talked about the Lord and how He would always be with us even if we are lonely. I asked her if I could pray for her and I prayed for the Lord to bring her peace and strength and a closeness to Him in the lonely times.
She was so sweet. We joked and laughed and cried and had a beautiful conversation about everything that crossed our minds. I asked her for her address before we left for an opportunity to write her so she would remember that she’s never alone. I didn’t get to sleep in the airport that night. And I thank God I didn’t.
I don’t like candy at all, but I can imagine why other people do. The time I spent with Suzi was like candy from the Lord. A sweet and sugary moment that made my day. I don’t know who the blessing was for there… me or her… but I know that I relocated my sense of purpose in that airport and decided I was not going to let the flight listings for the U.S taunt me, because it is not quite time to go home yet.
God is amazing at pulling us up when we are feeling down! Glory be!
Newness. Awakenings. Peace.
Alyssha
