I fell in love, again. My heart tripped at the sound of His name, the great lover of my soul. You see, I had lost sight of Him. In Uganda, I couldn’t really hear or feel Him. It was the hardest few weeks on the Race. To loose Him, or so it felt, was unbearable.
Dry and desert waste land, where is my Beloved? He has gone to fetch me food and drink, food and drink that will last. Food that will nourish me and strengthen me from my inmost being. Drink that will bring life and joy and freedom. He is returning soon, His presence will come again but in the meantime, He left His Spirit inside me.
The greatness of my Beloved is hard to declare. He gives me access to my Father and secures my identity as a daughter, for how can I know my identity as a daughter unless I know my Father? Jesus brings me identity because he brings me into relationship with the one from whom my identity comes from. I am a daughter, but not a spoiled brat daughter. I am encouraged to ask for gifts from my Father, and I do so before His throne with the confidence of a loved daughter. But my Father is King and God. He in His infinite love and wisdom will always give me what I need, not just what I want. I can find peace, not fear, in that.
Jesus left behind a gift, the greatest of gifts, the Holy Spirit. You see, the Spirit is active and alive and inside of me, that is the greatest of news! HE, is inside of ME. Sometimes, I forget that the Spirit is a person, not just a tool. He’s not a 3D printer that spits out gifts and requests upon demand. No, He is living and active, a fire that burns inside of me. How much of the Fire do I allow to live, how much do I blow into flame and how much of Him do I shut out with my flesh? I don’t need more of Him to fall on me, He in His fullness of Power already lives inside of me. I need less of my flesh to live and more of Him to take over, from the inside out.
I never did loose him during that dry time, when I felt like I couldn’t hear or feel Him, my Jesus. He was with me, carrying me. After that time, I got new revelation of the beauty of His presence. Absence makes the heart grow fond. I’ll never really fully understand Him, how can I? He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords, but I am His. I don’t always understand what He is doing, but I know who he is.
I don’t know what you’re doing, but I know who you are.
I’m in love and I have my eyes fixed on Him who is the giver of life. My love for Him changes me and changes my world. I want more of Him and His presence ever day, every moment. Come, let love change!
