Since training camp, my spiritual life has been on a slowly decreasing slope. Before leaving training camp, I told myself I would not let my life slip back into what it was before that week. Well, of course, I let that happen. These weeks before Launch, my life has been anything but connected with the Holy Spirit. Doubt, self-pity, lies, ungodliness, unrighteousness, evil, selfishness, lust, greed; I’ve allowed sin to be a part of my life. Worse than that, I’ve allowed that sin to become the way I view myself. By doing this, I’ve given the devil a foothold in my life and thus pushed God to the side in my life. I’ve repented numerous times these past few weeks only to fall right back into the same sin, feeling more and more guilty after every occurrence.
God picked me up every single time, but then I just spit in His face, unwilling to man up to who God has called me to be. The majority of my unwillingness to be who God has called me to be, a holy and righteous person, stems from the fact that because of my sin I don’t believe I’m worthy to come before God and be His child. As I said before, I allowed the sin in my life to become the way I viewed myself.
Even with every spit in the face, every flogging, every nail, every thorn, every curse, every offensive thing I’ve thrown as Jesus, He has been alongside me the entire time; willing to pick me up and lift me into His arms as soon as I turn to Him.
“Every time I fall, He go’n pick me up; the Lord is my shepherd homie, He go’n pick me up. I fell into the trap again, but He go’n pick me up; remind me of His promises, in Him I put my trust. I don’t NEVER have to give in to the lies. I’m feasting on His word, all my sin I do despise. So now I’m down before His throne praying on my knees asking Lord give me grace please, I don’t wanna be fallin’.”
Fallin’ by Trip Lee (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xG723F0PWrQ)
The truth in that song finally hit me the other day. No matter what I do, my Father will always be there to pick me up and call me His own, all I must do is turn to Him. From now on, I am finding my identity in Him and what He thinks of me. God sees me as holy and blameless; a righteous child of His.
2 Corinthians 5:17
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."
Being in Christ, I am a new creation. My old sinful self has passed away; behold the new me, the true me has come. It’s not really me however; it’s Christ living in me.
“You cleaned up my soul and gave me life; I’m so brand new and that’s all that matters. I ain’t love you first, but you first loved me. In my heart I cursed ya, but you set me free. I gave you no reason to give me new seasons, to give me new life, new breathin’, but you hung there bleedin’, and you died for my lies and my cheatin’, my lust and my greedin’. Lord, what is a man, huh? That you’re mindful of ‘em? And what do I have to deserve this love?”
Tell the World by Lecrae
That is what blows me away the most: Who am I that God is mindful of me and what do I have to deserve this love?
Nothing. I have nothing to offer God, but yet He calls me His child.
Because I have nothing, I need to rely on Him and Him alone for my strength, my joy, my happiness; my life.
Now I am brand new and I’m ready to go, and I’m gonna tell the world what they need to know:
The Glorious Love of God, which He wants to give everyone.
Now listen to the song and let’s go! World Race!
